The World Is Watching

It has been interesting watching the situation with Gov. Mark Sanford. When the news of his adultery first broke, reporters on station after station speculated about what was going to happen. One in particular stood out to me as the reporter stated that the governor's wife would surely not stand by her man because she was a woman of strong faith. Evidently being strong in their eyes meant taking care of number one. I waited to see what would happen.

When Jenny Sanford announced that she had chosen to forgive her husband and work on their marriage, the press went wild. The world began to smirk. They didn't know what to do with forgiveness in the face of infidelity and so they mocked her decision.

This morning I watched a panel that included a psychologist discussing the probability of reconciliation between the governor and his wife. All the learned panel members chimed in about what is possible and what is not. At best, they could only conceive of a relationship built on gut determination to make things work for the sake of the children. True forgiveness and healing were not even words in their vocabulary.

This situation with the governor of South Carolina has impressed upon me once again how little the world understands about the heart of God and how very little they know of His power. And once again it has confirmed in my heart that one of the greatest witnesses we can give on this earth is to stand for the healing of our marriage. 

The world is accustomed to hearing sermons and can many times quote scripture right along with believers, but when confronted with forgiveness and total trust in the Lord for a relationship as important as marriage, the world is baffled. A marriage as wounded as Gov. Sanford's can only be healed by the power of God. Gut determination may keep people together for a season to accomplish a goal, such as keep the family together for the children, but in the end the marriage usually breaks up once the goal is accomplished. Gut determination does nothing to change hearts.

Too often the world has observed the believers reacting the same way the world does when confronted with marital crisis. Leaving a spouse because of infidelity is the world's way and far too often, the Church's as well. When we act like the world, the world has no problem understanding. They even applaud the decision. After all, it is what they would do.

 

When we walk in faith, though, the world is without explanation. They think we are crazy or weak or living in a fantasy world. They mock what they cannot comprehend. "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" 1 Corinthians 1:18. 

As we look across our nation today, believers are ridiculed, mocked, and even attacked when we stand up for what we believe. A war is being waged to silence us all together. Preaching means little if our lives don't line up with the Word of God. I truly believe that it is the manifestation of the power of God that will show the world He is real. When that power is manifest through His love and compassion, the world will be astonished. Just like the Philippian jailer in Acts 16, they will ask, "What must I do to be saved?"

Every time someone chooses to stand for their marriage, to trust God for healing and reconciliation, the world sees one more example of the heart of a believer. Once more the world is confronted with faith they cannot fathom and forgiveness they cannot muster. I don't personally believe there is any greater witness to the power of God than faithfulness in the face of unfaithfulness. The world can only recommend moving on and finding someone new. The believer who is standing sends out a clear message that there is a better way.

I pray that Mark and Jenny Sanford are surrounded with believers who will support them as they heal. I pray that Jenny especially has believers around her who hold her arms up in the battle for her marriage and family. Even as the world mocks, they are watching. May the Church stand firmly behind this couple and speak words of life to them. And as you stand and believe for your own marriage, please pray for Mark and Jenny as well. 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3,4

Don't Sit While You Stand

What are you doing while you are standing? What occupies your thoughts? Where do you focus your energy? Where do you find your peace and contentment?

These are important questions when we are standing. The point of standing is not to be consumed by standing. Your spouse should not be your focus. Your marriage healing should not be your focus. You should keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.

An amazing thing happens when you focus on Jesus. You begin to build a solid, deep relationship with Him. When I first began standing, it was all about me--my pain, my rejection, my heart's desires, etc. The more I walked with Jesus, though, the more His life became my life and His vision became my vision. The love that compels Him began to compel me. The compassion that moves Him began to move me. The desires of His heart became the desires of mine.

People who are focused solely on the healing of their marriage are hard to be around. They are like an open pit that sucks in every bit of life around them. I think we are all there at some point but that is not where we should remain. No one who is in love with Jesus and is walking closely with Him comes off as a needy person. Those who focus only on themselves are a walking mass of need. People begin to avoid them because there is no way they can possibly meet that need.

Ask yourself a question. What is the focus of your daily life? Is it calling out to Jesus to meet your need? Is it telling others how much you love your spouse and desire to have him/her with you again? It is making sure others know you are suffering? Or are you focused on Jesus? Are you at peace? Do you share with others how wonderful He is and what He has done in your life?

Scripture tells us that out of the abundance of our heart, our mouth speaks. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. If you are focused on yourself and on your lack or pain or emptiness, that is what will come out of your mouth. That is where your heart is. If, though, you are focused on Jesus and His tremendous life within you, that is what will come out of your mouth. When your heart is grounded in Him, life will easily flow from your lips.

Your life should not be put on hold while you wait to receive what you are praying for. "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 

That is how we are to wait: actively serving our Lord, focused on Him. Look at what happens when we wait like that. We are strengthened. We do not grow weary. We mount up and fly over circumstances like the eagle.

So how are you waiting? Are you sitting and waiting or are you serving the Lord with all your heart? Are you counting the days and wondering when God is going to answer your prayers? Or are you so in love with the Lord and with walking with Him that He will be the one to tell you when your prayers are answered.

Before you can live that way, though, you must settle something in your heart. Do you have a marriage covenant that is broken only by the death of either you or your spouse? If you truly believe that, then time is not an issue. You can put away the clock and the calendar and stop wondering "when." You can focus on Jesus and His plans for you. You can serve Him with all your heart. You can fall more deeply in love with Him with each passing day.

If, however, you have a plan B somewhere in the back of your mind, then time will be very important to you. What happens day to day with your marriage will consume you and your focus will remain on you and your needs. You will always be wondering if your marriage is really going to be healed or if you should get "on with your life".

I want to be as blunt and honest with you as I can. When we stand we all go through a time when we are broken and crushed by the circumstances of our marriage. We all need healing in our own hearts. That is where most of us start. But that is not where we should remain. If you believe that Jesus is strong enough and powerful enough to heal your marriage, then you must also believe He is able to heal your own heart. If He is able to turn the heart of the king, then He must be able to minister to your heart and bring you to wholeness in Him. 

You must become a whole person in Jesus no matter what you do with your life. Your spouse is not going to heal your heart. Your spouse cannot make you whole. Seeing your marriage healed will not bring you fulfillment. So you must stop putting all your emotional energy into your love and desire for your spouse.

If your heart is broken, you need to allow Jesus to bring you healing before anything else. Your own healing is key to your stand. Then out of your wholeness in Him, you can serve Him with all your heart. Instead of sitting while you stand, you can run and not grow weary! ~ Marilyn

"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." Psalm 37:7

"Wait on the LORD;Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"  Psalm 27:14

Consider Leah

Have you ever thought much about Leah? Just think what her life must have been like. (Genesis 29:14-28) Jacob wanted to marry her younger sister Rachel, who was "lovely in form and beautiful. He worked seven years to win Rachel, but Laban instead gave him Leah, his older daughter, who had "weak eyes". I’ve always had a bit of trouble understanding how Jacob didn’t know the difference at the wedding, but have chalked it up to lots of veils.

At any rate, when Jacob discovered he had the wrong daughter, he went to Laban and pleaded for Rachel to be his wife. Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work."

That must have been some week. Leah spending her first week of married life with a husband who couldn't wait for the week to end so he could get the woman he really wanted. Leah began her married life as the wife Jacob did not want.  "Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah." 

Then scripture says, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son.” When Michael found out I was pregnant with our third child, he left me and said he didn’t want the baby or me. As my time of delivery grew near, God gave me this scripture. It was how He told me I was carrying a boy. Then He said that his name would mean healer and that he would bring great healing to many in his life. I had to take a baby book and read all the names to find the one that meant healer—Jason, God’s child of promise!

As Leah continued to have children, Rachel remained barren. One can only read between the lines that Jacob probably spent a lot more time with Rachel wanting to conceive than with pregnant Leah. Her life must have been filled with loneliness and rejection.

Leah’s story may have been a sad one, but it ended well. Rachel died in childbirth and was buried by the side of the road, but when Jacob was dying he gave instructions to be buried where "Abraham and his wife Sarah were buried, there Isaac and his wife Rebekah were buried, and there I buried Leah."  In the end, God honored Leah's position as Jacob’s covenant wife and she was buried alongside her husband in the family burial grounds.

Today maybe you feel like Leah (or maybe Lee if you are a guy), unloved and unwanted by your spouse. Jacob was very overt in his desire for another woman and very clear in his rejection of Leah. No doubt you too have experienced that treatment or something similar.

Yet God remembered Leah and blessed her and honored her. You need to look to the One who truly knows who you are and loves you and desires the very best for you.  What your spouse thinks or believes right now is not the end of the story. Just as with Leah, God sees where you are today and the condition of your relationship. He is more than able to bless you along the way. 

I have always loved the story of Leah. It gave me hope when things were dark and seemed hopeless. It showed me that God's love is greater than man's rejection. And it demonstrated to me that generations can be blessed by the Lord through one person's faithfulness. ~ Marilyn

"For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." Deuteronomy 30:16

"He has taken me to the banquet hall,  and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4

Does This Make Sense?

This week my husband, Michael, said something very powerful to me. We had just received an email from an apostle in the Body of Christ who is helping restore a man to ministry. This man divorced his wife and married another woman with whom he was having an affair before the divorce. Now that he's remarried, the Church's goal is to get this man back into ministry as soon as possible.

My husband said to me, "Isn't it amazing. If he and his first wife had decided to stay together and get their marriage healed, he would have been removed from ministry for several years to be disciplined and rehabilitated. Since he divorced his wife, though, and married the other woman, his slate is now clean and he can get back to ministry as soon as possible." He shook his head and added, "It just doesn't make sense."

How sad and how true. The Body of Christ seems very confused regarding marriage and divorce. While faith for physical healing is preached world-wide, seldom do we hear a sermon about standing for a marriage and seeing it healed. There are any number of teaching series available on DVD about faith for finances, but only a few about faith for marriage healing.

Free will is sometimes preached as stronger than the power of God in a relationship. It seems that what the sinner wants is not supposed to be messed with or opposed. It makes me wonder why we pray for someone to be saved. Maybe they don't want to be saved. After all, they have free will. Why do we mess with that and pray that they receive the Lord? Could it be that we know that is God's will for them? Is it not just as much God's will for a spouse to return to his or her covenant partner?

Do you know that "free will" in the Bible only refers to an offering? Do you realize that everyone's will is aligned either with God or with the devil? No one's will is in neutral, waiting to line up somewhere. When we are born into this world, our will is aligned with Satan. We live in our sinful nature. When we receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we align our will with His. Every person is in one group or the other. Why would we then not want to pray for those whose wills are aligned with the enemy?

Scripture tells us that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. The Contemporary English Bible says, "We live in this world, but we don't act like its people or fight our battles with the weapons of this world. Instead, we use God's power that can destroy fortresses. We destroy arguments and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people's thoughts and make them obey Christ."

When our spouse is caught in the enemy's trap, we stand in the gap and intercede for strongholds to fall and for our spouse to agree with God's will. We walk in faith, seeing the unseen as more real than the seen. I remember God telling me to consider my husband a prisoner of war held in the enemy camp. I needed to intercede for him so that he might be set free from captivity and be able to make his own decision for Christ. People told me to leave him alone because he had a free will, but God showed me that his will was not free but was aligned with Satan. He could not fight for himself and so I needed to fight for him. 

Why does the Body of Christ believe that the spouse who wants to leave the marriage has more power than the one who wants to stay? Why does the Church honor the wishes of the prodigal and ridicule the wishes of the one standing? Why is the one who dishonors his or her covenant considered more sane and more stable than the one who remains faithful to it? It is because the Church has bought the lie that divorce is the answer to a troubled marriage. 

I remember years ago in Washington we heard that in 1920 a book was written in Germany by a couple of doctors that declared that the compassionate thing to do was to end a life that was substandard. From that time until World War II, doctors in Germany were indoctrinated with this philosophy so that by the time Hitler made plans to exterminate certain groups of people, all he had to do was convince the doctors that their lives were substandard. It was falsely believed that it was more compassionate to end those lives than to allow them to continue living in a painful state.

Unfortunately, the Church has received this same philosophy regarding marriage and now believes that the compassionate thing to do is end a marriage that is in trouble. Healing takes time. Healing is painful, but in the end healing is healthy. Ending marriages that are in pain only perpetuates pain. It may be a quick solution, but in the end the aftermath lasts for years and years. Taking the time to heal is so much better in the long run.

So why am I writing all this to you? You are standing and you believe that God wants to heal your marriage. I just want to encourage you that you are not alone and that, even though the deck seems stacked against you at times, God has given you faith and grace for this hour. Don't be discouraged. 

We sense that a new season is beginning and that many will come to understand covenant in this season. We know that before the Lord returns, His Bride must understand covenant. So stand strong and trust the Lord. Don't try to make things happen - trust the Lord to do them. You are a true hero of the faith! ~ Marilyn

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19

No Magic Formula

Sorry about the long hiatus. We had a little problem that shut us down for a while. Please make sure the person you are forwarding the blog to wants to receive it. Sending it to your spouse is probably not a good idea. Angry spouses tend to report that as spam.

Many times people think that if they just say or do something, it will be the key to a spouse changing his or her mind and restoring the marriage. I have received many emails saying that I don't make it clear what I did to get my husband to come home. If you are looking for an answer like that, this is probably not going to help you much.

There is no magic formula or specific thing to do that will make the difference for your marriage. I would hope that those who follow this blog regularly would understand that the key is your relationship with God. You cannot change another person. You cannot be obedient for someone else.

You can grow closer to the Lord and learn to hear His voice ever more clearly. You can obey His directions for you. You can allow Him to change your heart and your focus. That is what standing is all about. What happens with your spouse and your marriage is almost secondary to the miraculous changes that will happen in your own life if you devote yourself to following the Lord during this time.

No human being is your answer. In fact, it is idolatry to make a human being more important or having more power than God in your life. Your fulfillment, your peace, your contentment are not based on whether or not your spouse is with you. All those things come from relationship with the Lord.

When David returned to Ziklag and found that his whole family had been taken from him, scripture tells us "but David found strength in the Lord his God" (1 Samuel 30:6). That is the only place you will find strength at any time in your life, let alone when you are standing and fighting a battle for your home.

We must each learn to run to Him and find our answers in Him and Him alone. When Jesus went to the cross, He bore all our sins and suffered the judgement of them all for us. He took other things to that cross for us as well. He suffered betrayal through a phony kiss from someone He loved. He was brutalized and shamed publicly. He was abandoned by all but a close few. Not only did His body suffer indescribable torture, but His soul also bore the pain and suffering that others inflicted upon Him. He bore all of that so that we might not have to.

So, when we are faced with betrayal, with shame, with abandonment, and loneliness we can turn to Him. He has borne them all for us and in Him we can find total peace. Some feel that the restoration of a marriage is the final goal but we can personally tell you that only leads to deeper issues that God wants to resolve in each of our lives. Marriage is a constant working out of God's plan for both of us and requires healing and adjustment, growth and adjustment, and challenges and adjustment.

Marriage is never static or settled. One of us is always growing and changing and that requires the other one to grow and change as well. We are constantly adjusting to what God is doing within each of our lives and our relationship. What I learned while I was standing is what ministers to us today. Our peace is not in each other. Our total joy and fulfillment are not found in each other. Our relationship grows and flourishes in proportion to how much we draw on Jesus and allow Him to work on our hearts.

Once, one of us stood for our marriage. Now we stand together. And together we face the same attacks and the same schemes of the enemy that he has used since the Garden of Eden. Reconciling your marriage will be of little benefit if you have not learned to rest totally in Jesus while you stand. Many times we see couples reconcile only to break up again. Why? Many times it is because the one standing thought that the answer to prayer was having his or her spouse come home.

No, your answer to prayer is your own transformation in Christ. The more you draw into Him, the more you will find peace and joy in all circumstances and the less you will look to people to be your answer. God wants your marriage and family to be restored but God's plan is so much bigger than just that. God sees generationally. He sees the beginning from the end.

When God gives an answer, the blessings go out as ripples in the water. The center may be where the miracle occurs, but the ripples continue to bless lives through the generations. Your answer to prayer will also be the answer for many, many others as what God does in your life goes out into the lives of others.

Far too often the Church short circuits the work of God in the hearts of His people by finding answers for them in people. "Forget that first spouse. God has someone better for you." And the real tragedy is that a person is once again made the answer and the cycle begins again.

How much better it would be if all God's people could be helped to understand that the reason we get into trouble in life in the first place is because we thought a person would fulfill us in some way - perhaps a spouse, or a child, or a parent, or a friend. And yet, in the end, everyone of them fails us in some way or another. God gave us the desire for relationship and gave us people to relate to but His plan was that we would find our fulfillment and our identity in Him and Him alone. ~ Marilyn

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

"And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

What About the Children?

So many of you have asked me about our children during my stand - how did they deal with it, what about them being around the other woman, their relationship with their dad, etc. As I share my experience I recognize that it is not the same as yours. I pray that you may find some answers and some encouragement as you seek the Lord for your particular situation. 

When Michael became involved with the first other woman, our daughter was eight and our son was five. I was pregnant with our third child. Along with telling me he didn't want me around anymore, he also told our children that he never wanted them and wished they'd never been born. The devil really does fight dirty.

Every child is different and every one of them reacts individually when faced with a crisis like that. Our daughter was very emotional, crying most of the time and deeply wounded by her dad's rejection. Our son internalized everything and I mistook his outward calm for inward well being. On top of that, at five years old he became the man of the house. I didn't realize it at the time but I began to rely on him to take care of things my husband had done such as take out the garbage. We had a very steep driveway in our home in the mountains and one of my most vivid memories was looking out the window and seeing my little five-year-old struggling up that long, steep driveway with a full garbage can. I ran out to help him and he said, "It's okay, Mom. I can do it." 

That was his heart toward me, always protecting and taking care of me. Our daughter healed just as openly as she had grieved, but our son is still healing to this day. Pay attention to the one that seems to be doing so well. 

When our third child, our second son, was born he was severely demonically oppressed. The enemy had attacked him in the womb with the rejection of his father. When Michael learned I was pregnant he had declared he did not want the baby. He spoke words of death over our child and those words wounded him and allowed the enemy an opening to oppress him. Eventually we learned how to get him set free, but that is another story.

The Lord impressed upon me that no matter what my husband was saying and doing, he still had the authority that God had given me as the head of our home. If I truly believed God was going to heal our marriage, then I needed to prepare our children for the return of their father to their lives. If I dishonored him to them or if I allowed them to dishonor him, then I would be contributing to their lack of respect for him. Yet, on the other hand, he had said terrible things to them and had hurt them tremendously. I didn't know how to deal with that and yet help them to continue loving and honoring him.

As usual, the Lord has answers for us when we pray. As I sought Him, He reminded me of His command, "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12) If I did not teach my children to honor their father, then I would be cursing them with the effects of dishonor to parents. But how would I help them love and honor him when he was treating them so terribly?

Again the Lord gave me wisdom. My children were young and yours may be older, so this is what the Lord spoke to me. It may not be what He would have you do. You must ask Him for your own answers.

For my children, though, the Lord gave me the perfect answer. I sat down with them and asked, "if Daddy were sick, what would we do to help him?" They answered as little children do with various things such as get him a cold cloth or see if he needs some medicine. Then I said to them, "Daddy is sick, but it's not his body that is sick. It is his mind. He doesn't look sick but inside the devil has made him very sick and so he says and does things that are not like your real daddy. We need to help Daddy just like we would if he were sick in his body."

They thought about that for a minute and asked some questions that related to his words to them and his behavior toward them. Then they said, "We hate the devil. He's made our daddy sick." God had helped them to see who their real enemy was. How many Christians never realize that truth!

From that day forth we cried together and prayed together for Daddy to be healed. Eventually each child had to forgive him in their own time and maturity, but for that season we reached a place where they could relate to what was happening and love and honor their father.

When Michael came home, they ran to greet him. I believe their love for him was part of his healing. Marital discord and separation break the hearts of children. They should never be used as weapons in the war between Dad and Mom. They should never be used as spies or as secret agents when they are with the other parent. Children's hearts are pure and when they learn to hear the voice of the Lord, they will listen to Him. 

I don't want to minimize the trauma of sending your children to the other woman (or man). It tears our hearts out to have our children go into the enemy camp. But remember, none of that is of their choosing. They didn't want you to separate in the first place. The enemy is a terrible foe and he fights dirty. He will try to get to your children and he will use any means he can. You need to help your children learn the truth of God's Word. You need to teach them how to hear His voice. He speaks to children so clearly and their hearts are so open. 

There is only one enemy and he is not your spouse or the other person. Satin is the enemy. Teach your children to recognize him and his ways. You do not have to use names or people as examples. Those who know how to recognize the truth will detect the lie easily. It is when we argue against our spouse as loudly as our spouse argues against us that our children become confused as to who is telling the truth. 

Let this time of standing become a spiritual classroom for you and your children. Show them the love of God. Let them see you returning good for evil. Let them see you loving when you are not loved. Let them see you forgiving and blessing. Let them hear you speaking words of honor and love for your spouse. When the Lord is shining through your life, they will clearly see the difference when they are with those who are following the enemy. The lessons they learn in this season will last a lifetime. ~ Marilyn

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" Matthew 19:14

"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." Psalm 8:2

Q and A

Okay, I took a deep breath since yesterday. I want to make sure you understand when I talk about Christians divorcing I am not talking about those who have no choice because the law allows their spouse to divorce even if they don't want to. I am talking about Christians who both walk away from a marriage and declare that nothing can be done. When one spouse decides to take a powerful stand in the spirit to see the marriage healed, that sends an entirely different, very healthy message. Just want to make sure that is clear.

I'd like to start answering questions today that have been submitted by followers of this blog. 

Question: How did you pray while you were standing? Were you scared?

Answer: When I first began standing I was terrified. I was pregnant with our third child, our two other children were terribly wounded by what was happening, and I didn't know of one person who had stood for their marriage. I didn't know what the future held for us and I didn't know what to do. I was an emotional basket case and I was filled with fear and doubt. All I knew was the Lord had told me if I was willing to stand, He would be there for me.

Our pastor says that sometimes the most effective prayer is, "Help!" That was my initial prayer. It was usually prayed as I sobbed uncontrollably, clutching my Bible, trying to figure out what to do next. The hurt was so deep and so painful and I felt so worthless and abandoned. I was not a woman of faith or courage. I vacillated between hopelessness and fury. One minute I wanted God to heal our marriage and the next I just wanted to kill the two of them. No wonder people watching me thought I should just move on with my life.

Gradually, though, the peace of the Lord began to sink into my heart. I couldn't explain it. Nothing really had changed in the natural. If anything, things had gotten worse. Yet in the midst of all of that, the Lord began to forge within me a solid faith that He was at work. It didn't happen overnight. Every waking moment I clung to Him. Every moment I was not taking care of children or working or completing household chores, I sat in His presence and read the Word. I was bankrupt emotionally and spiritually and being in His presence was the only place I could find peace from the storm around me. I think that gradually the peace of being with Him began to calm my heart and clear my head. Faith had been planted in my heart and was beginning to grow.

At first my prayers were very basic and very scattered. I prayed for God to take care of my children and me, I prayed for food and other necessities, and I prayed for my husband to come home. Sometimes my prayers were uttered in a moment of panic and other times they flowed in a more settled emotion. Basically, though, they were survival prayers. 

As time passed and as I learned to hear the voice of the Lord more clearly, my prayers changed to praying scripture for my husband and our marriage and family. I had begun to realize that the attack on our marriage was really a demonic plan to destroy our family and home. This helped me to remember that I was not fighting flesh and blood. The Lord had begun healing my heart, so things weren't all about me anymore. My own pain had subsided somewhat and I could focus on my husband who was caught in the enemy's snare. 

I began to realize that I was not a victim but a victor in Christ. My husband was the one who was caught in the clutches of the enemy. I was free in Christ and in Him I was more than a conquerer. As I began to get God's perspective, I began to pull out of the focus on me and my problems and began to fight spiritual warfare on my husband's behalf. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

Eventually (after a couple years) my prayers became very focussed. I would wake in the morning and ask the Lord what demons were assigned to my husband that day. The Lord would very clearly reveal to me the enemy's plans for the day. I would then bind those spirits and declare their assignments cancelled and I would pray for Michael to recognize those areas of his life where the enemy was working.

I think the key for me was the more time I spent with the Lord, the greater the compassion that He placed in my heart for Michael. Eventually I could pray for him with the love and compassion of the Lord, not my own emotions or desires. 

Everyone's journey is unique but I would encourage you to spend every moment you can in the presence of the Lord. He will transform your heart and give you vision far beyond your own. He will also replace your hurt with a powerful love and compassion that is not limited to human love. There were many days when I did not love my husband, but the Lord never stopped loving Him. He went to the cross to see Michael set free and that love is what carried me when I had none of my own left. 

So many times people say to me, " I want to see our marriage healed. I love him (her) so much!" I'm telling you that love is not enough. It will not endure the days ahead. It will not survive betrayal and rejection. The love that Jesus has, though, endures through everything. Draw on Him today. Lose yourself in Him. Rest in Him and find peace! ~ Marilyn

"But You, O Lord, are a God of compassion and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in mercy and truth." Psalm 86:15

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18