Forged in the Fire

What Are the Odds?

2011-09-12T09:03:00.000-06:00

It's been a while. Our youngest son got married and many other events made life a bit crazy for a few months. You are always on my heart and in my prayers, though, even when I am not blogging.

Over the past few months I have been struck again and again with how much divorce has become an acceptable solution for society at large and for the Church specifically. I am so tired of hearing that, of course, it isn't God's best and it is too bad that it had to happen. I am also growing extremely weary of hearing that I don't understand the circumstances and that there was no other alternative.

I do not understand how this side of the cross there can be any difference that is irreconcilable for a Christian. Jesus paid the price with His blood for all sin and to reconcile us all. When He lives within us, how can we ever believe that the differences between us cannot be reconciled?

The problem is the Church has lost its will to fight.

When circumstances seem more powerful than victory in Jesus, we have forgotten that in Him we are more than conquerors. When we allow another human being, who is probably following what the enemy is saying, to tell us what our future will be, we have forgotten that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. When we give up and give in and accept the destruction that Satan has brought into our lives, we forget that at the cross he was stripped of all power. "Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it." (Colossians 2:15) Jesus said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me." What more do we need?

Hope is the key. When you have no hope, you cannot have faith. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for..." So many times we have been told, "Don't get his or her hopes up. You don't know that God will heal that marriage." I say if you don't get people's hopes up, there will be no stand for the healing of the marriage. That is where the Church is today. No hope and no faith when it comes to marriage healing.

Let's face it, the odds are against you. If you simply go by statistical data, your chances of seeing your marriage healed are bleak. But statistics are only natural reports. They only reflect what others have experienced and most of those others did not have hope or faith that anything could change.

For centuries missionaries have carried the gospel to the corners of the earth. What were the odds of meeting a Christian in those places before they arrived? Probably pretty low odds of that happening. But they were willing to pay the price, to go, and to give their very lives to see those odds change. That is the only way it can happen.

Are you willing to buck the odds? Are you willing to allow God to flood your heart with His vision and your life with His power? Are you willing to swim upstream while others float by you in total defeat? Standing isn't easy, but it is the only way to see victory. Jesus paid the ultimate price to give us a victorious life. That includes our marriage. But we must be willing to stand in the gap and fight the good fight of faith.

And every day the enemy asks, "What are the odds that they'll be willing to do it?"

"There was a little city with few men in it; and a great king came against it, besieged it, and built great snaresaround it. Now there was found in it a poor wise man, and he by his wisdom delivered the city." Ecclesiastes 9:14-15

"Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matthew 7:14

Incredible You!

2011-02-23T15:24:00.000-07:00

As I was praying for you this morning, I wondered if you realize how fearfully and wonderfully you are made. So many times when going through marital problems, things are said and done that can make us feel pretty worthless. Rejection and shame can take a toll on how we see ourselves. It is important that we don't receive those things as a measure of who we really are.

Jesus loved you so much He gave His life for you! He paid a heavy price for you because you are so precious to Him and to our Father. He is the only one worthy of determining your worth. You should never let anyone else diminish or deny that worth.

To be sure in every marital conflict there are mistakes made by both spouses. That is what you have done or gone through. That is not who you are. Scripture tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God watched over you as you were formed in your mother's womb. He rejoiced over you. It didn't matter if those around you were rejoicing. He was! Already He had plans for your life and good things that He wanted to give you. You were no mistake. You were planned in the heart of God and He eagerly awaited your birth.

As each new cell developed, each new part of your body grew and matured, He kept His eyes on you. You were a miracle with millions of cells multiplying and developing into the unique person God was designing you to be. His desire for you was to discover His perfect love for you. He wanted you to know how very precious your very existence was to Him long before there was anything demanded of you to prove your worth to anyone else.

God has not changed His mind about you. No matter what you have gone through or where you have been in life, He still rejoices over you 24/7. He longs to prove His love for you. He wants you to know that you are priceless to Him, not because of what you can do, but just because you are you!

So today keep your eyes on Him, not on the circumstances around you. Listen to His tender words of love, not those of anger or rejection that may be spoken by someone else. Curl up in His arms and soak in His unconditional love that accepts and cherishes you just as you are. There is nothing you can say or do that will cause Him to reject you. He wants only the best for you. He longs to spend time with you and hear your voice. He sings His love songs to your heart. Listen to Him and realize how very much He loves you and believes in you.

"For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." 1 Corinthians 6:12

"My beloved is mine, and I am his." Song of Solomon 2:16

Checking Your Baggage

2010-10-19T20:34:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time in my life I actually had time to knit. Hard to imagine in today's fast-paced world, but I did. I remember there were times when I discovered I had dropped a stitch or I changed my mind about what I was making and I would take the yarn off the needles and begin to unravel it, wrapping it once again into a ball. It was a slow process and would vary in time depending on how much yarn I had to unravel.

The past few months have felt very much like that in my life. When I first began this journey of seeking to break loose from co-dependent strongholds, I had no idea that God was beginning to unravel things in my life in much the same way I had done with my knitting. It has been a slow but steady process and I have yet to discover where this journey ends.

I had no idea in the beginning how many others would be affected by what God is doing. It is one of the reasons I have been silent in this blog for so long. It is hard to share all that is happening without exposing what God is doing in other lives. Silence seemed wiser.

One thing has become crystal clear to me. If we are serious about getting healed, there is no doubt He will do everything necessary to see that happen. Sometimes we think we want healing, but the journey seems longer or more painful than we had anticipated. It is then that we must decide if we are willing to go the distance. I am committed to do just that! I hope you are too.

Along the way from time to time, I have been able to encourage others. i believe the Lord wants us to do that no matter where we are in our journey. It is never just about us. it is always about reaching out to others in His name. And He always wants us to reach out from where we are, not from where we are going. If we wait until we get there, we begin to focus only on ourselves. The truth is, we never really "arrive". The goal line is always moving. He wants so much more for us than we ever realize. If He let us be satisfied with just what we want to achieve, we would never realize the fullness of His love and power in our lives.

Betrayal, rejection, abandonment...these are all sources of tremendous pain. A wonderful woman that God has placed in my life during this season said to me the first day she met me, "I sense you have experienced anguish." Yes, anguish. You know exactly what that is.

Sometimes people do spectacular things when their adrenaline kicks in. People have lifted cars or hurled giant rocks, accomplishing feats they could never do under ordinary circumstances. Sometimes when we are standing, we too can do extraordinary feats. Sometimes they are under the power of the Holy Spirit and other times we just grit our teeth and make it happen. What I am discovering on this journey is we must take time for God to heal us. That means admitting weakness, acknowledging pain, facing failure. Standers are not super women or men. You are simply people who have determined to remain faithful no matter what. That being settled, take time to give yourself a bit of attention and love.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions. If all that has happened with your marriage and family were not happening, who would you be? Where would you be focused? If you were not facing what you are right now, what would your life look like?

Too often we allow circumstances to define us. Your circumstances do not determine who you are. Your life's goal should not be to react to everything that is happening to you or around you. Too often the Church recommends that you change circumstances to find healing. Get over it. Find a new spouse. That is the ultimate reaction to circumstances!

I'm challenging you today to find out who you are in Christ in the middle of your circumstances. God created you uniquely and with His purpose. He does not intend for you to be shaped by what others say or do. He intends for you to be strong in Him, walking in the freedom and life He purchased for you. The more we realize that, the less baggage we have to carry on the journey. ~ Marilyn

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

The Triangle

2010-05-19T08:06:00.002-06:00

I want to make it very clear that I am no expert in the area of codependency. I am learning as I go and if you are on the same journey, we can learn together. There are many resources available and many support groups that may help you. I joined one at one time, but just about everyone was divorced and that seemed to be the theme of their recovery. I knew that was not the support group for me. You must make similar decisions about what will or will not help you on your journey.

Recently I learned about the Karpman Drama Triangle. See if you see yourself in this one. The first corner of the triangle is Rescuer. We see someone's need and we feel we must take care of it. We step in and take the responsibility off someone else. They may or may not have asked for help, but we determined they need it and so we attempt to rescue them from their situation.

Rescuing is doing something for someone that they could do themselves. It is not just helping, it is doing something out of guilt or a need to avoid conflict. We may do it because we think the other person can't do it well enough or to suit our standards. We may do it because we think the other person won't do it. Whatever our reason, we step in and rescue the other person from having to do it.

After a while we move to the second point of the triangle, Persecutor. The person we are doing things for just doesn't seem to appreciate our sacrifice. He or she isn't grateful. In fact, that person may even criticize us for what we have done. We feel we have given so much, done so much, and this is the thanks we get. They may even come to expect our rescue, even demand it. Now we are no longer volunteering our help, it is expected and we have no choice in the matter.

That is when we start letting that person know how we feel about the whole thing. We remind them how many times we have had to do this thing. We explain how hard it is for us or how much pain it causes us. We remind them of how much trouble they cause and what chaos they have created. Or we reprimand them for not doing the things we expect them to do. "Somebody has to do it and why is it always me!"

Of course, most people don't respond well to this type of treatment and so they respond negatively to us. Before long we move to the third corner of the triangle, Victim. "Why am I always the one who gives and gives and gets nothing in return?" We bemoan the fact that we are the "good" spouse, the loving one, the selfless one and we are getting nothing out of this relationship. We get angry. We pout. We cry. Then, because we are Christians, we determine our behavior is ungodly. We beat ourselves up for being so selfish. What is wrong with me? Why aren't I more loving and kind? After a few rounds of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" we become convinced that there must be something terribly wrong with us for complaining in the first place. Now we are ready to once again move to the Rescue corner and begin the drama again.

I have walked out this drama triangle hundreds of times in my life, but recently I discovered I am learning on this journey. I had agreed to help someone set up a new computer. I determined it was not something they could do for themselves, and I also determined I was willing to help. What I failed to recognize, though is that an old pattern was in play.

After a couple hours of setting everything up and installing everything that needed to be installed, the person I was helping told me it was not what they wanted. The old tapes began to play in my head. "Nothing I ever do is good enough. After all the time and effort I have spent here..." But, praise the Lord, I am learning. I caught myself mid thought.

I was able to respond, not in anger and persecution, but in love. "If this doesn't work for you, I can set your old computer up again. You make the decision. It is your computer." The person tried to put the decision back on me, but I held my ground. Finally they decided to have me set up the old one again. I was able to leave their home in peace because their decision did not reflect on how I felt about myself. I was not there to rescue them and what they decided to do with the computer was simply what they wanted done, not a reflection on my efforts.

That evening I was spending some time with the Lord, thanking Him for this new healing in my life. During that time the Lord showed me something I had forgotten to tell that person about their new computer. I called them and shared what the Lord had showed me. "That's all I wanted. I didn't know the computer could do that. I really want it."

In the past I would have been well into Victim by the time I reached home that day. Instead my heart was open to hear what the Lord wanted to tell me. I was not responsible for the other person's reaction or decision. Their acceptance or rejection of the computer did not reflect on my worth or the validity of my act of kindness in helping them. They are now loving their new computer and I am loving my new freedom!

You are responsible for your words and your actions. You are not responsible for someone else's words or actions. You are not responsible for how someone else reacts. That's why you need to ask the Lord what He wants you to say and do. Then obey Him and don't worry about the effect that has on your spouse. You can tie yourself in knots taking your cues and determining your worth from someone else, especially someone who is not in a healthy place right now.

One last thought... If you are in a situation where you are in physical danger if you do not act or respond the way someone else wants you to, seek help now! Do not believe that it is your fault or that it would not happen if you just said or did the right things. You are in the worst kind of codependent relationship when an abuser is determining your worth for you. No one deserves to be treated that way. That is not love and staying in that situation is not a way of showing love to your spouse. Get help and get healthy. Then you can stand for your marriage strong in the Lord, not weakly dependent on a sick person. ~ Marilyn

Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 1 Peter 4:9-10

So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7

Do You Recognize These Patterns?

2010-05-17T10:43:00.001-06:00

As I began walking through this journey, I began to realize that since I was a small child, I have felt responsible for the well-being of my family members. I have always been the family "rescuer" - the one everybody counted on to smooth over conflicts and restore peace. I learned early in life how to rescue others.

When I chose a career, it was nursing. I thrived taking care of others. In my marriage I became responsible for just about everything. I worked full-time, I took care of the children, I cooked, I cleaned, and still managed to learn to do calligraphy, stained glass, and sewing. I made all our kid's clothes for many years. I returned to school in the middle of all that to get a Master's degree. I was superwoman. There was nothing I wouldn't tackle and nothing I didn't feel responsible to take care of.

I was shocked when Michael chose to leave me for another woman. I was sure I had not done enough. Immediately I became responsible for the healing and restoration of our marriage. Looking back now I realize that God used the desires of my heart to bring healing to me in many areas of my life. My heart was transformed during that time and I began walking with the Lord in a very deep and special way.

I am thankful for every one of those days and all that God did in my life. My heart had been broken by the words my husband spoke to me when he left. My self-worth depended on how he felt about me. I believed that I was worthless. For so long I had allowed him to determine how I felt about myself. Thank God that He walked me through to healing in that area and showed me that I am priceless to Him. He gave His very life for me, bought me with a price. My husband's words no longer determined my worth.

But the rescuing continued even after our marriage was restored. We began a ministry together and I transferred my need to rescue to other marriages. I took on responsibility for the health of the ministry. I allowed the words of others to determine how well I was doing as a minister. I blamed myself if something went wrong. I carried a great weight on my shoulders for many years.

Then, through a series of events, God began to deal with these issues in my life. I began to let go and let God. I actually began to enjoy myself! Ministry became an adventure with the Lord and I no longer had to trust myself to be right all the time. I had made mistakes - first in my marriage and then in ministry - but those mistakes did not determine the life or death of what God had created. That set me free.

Are you a rescuer? Do you feel that you have to fix things - your marriage, your children, your work, or your ministry? Do you resent having to walk in all that responsibility? Do you feel others don't pull their weight? Do you feel unappreciated? Do you resent seeing others blessed when you feel they haven't done enough to deserve it? Are you tired of being "the good spouse"? Do you wish you could have some fun and not care about the consequences?

Do you wonder how long you have to suffer? Do you resent God for not doing more when you have done so much? Do you feel responsible for everyone to have a good attitude about your spouse? Do you think it's your fault that your spouse ________________? (You fill in the blank: drinks, runs around, left you, wants someone else....) Do you just want to find someone that will take care of you for a change?

If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, then let's continue on this journey together. God wants to heal your marriage, but that means letting go of what you hold so tightly as your own. It means honestly looking at what you are responsible for and what you are not. It means realizing that not everything depends on what you say or do. It means coming to a place of knowing who you truly are, not what others have told you that you are. ~ Marilyn

This is the day the LORD has made;We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

In Covenant But not Codependent

2010-05-15T10:40:00.000-06:00

Please forgive my prolonged absence, but I have been on a journey of my own. For some time I have been intrigued by the evidence of codependency in my own life as well as in the life of many others I have watched stand for a marriage. Many times during my life I began studying the topic, but soon abandoned the study because so many materials on codependency recommend divorce. Again and again, though, I saw the same characteristics in my life and I wanted to be free.

This past year through some things I walked through in my family of origin, I realized it was time to tackle these issues in my life. I was determined that there is a way to be in covenant and yet not be codependent. Our marriage is healthy, but there are characteristics in my own life that I want to see changed. So my journey began.

You may recognize yourself in the patterns and characteristics of codependency. I know I saw many things that were part of my life when I was standing and have remained part of my life all these years later. I think it is particularly important for those of us who are taking a covenant stand to recognize what motivates our stand. Otherwise, as one of our readers noted, it can feel like a stand is destroying you.

I firmly believe that the Lord wants us to remain faithful to our covenant vows in marriage, but I also firmly believe He wants us to be healthy and whole when we do that. If we are drawing our worth or taking our cues from our spouse, his or her actions and reactions are going to determine how we feel and act. That is codependency.

Since I began my own journey of healing, I have started seeing many around me who also remain in these unhealthy patterns long after their marriages have been restored. I have also started to realize that many people in ministry are very codependent and are gaining their self-worth from being able to rescue others. I am going to devote a number of blogs to this topic because I believe it is essential that we all walk through standing and marriage restoration in health.

When we marry, God makes us one (Genesis 2:24). That oneness is a supernatural transformation accomplished solely and totally by God. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about the Body of Christ. He reminds us that there are many parts, but only one body. So it is with marriage. We are one in Christ, but we are two people with individual gifts, personalities, and talents. God miraculously creates oneness out of the two diverse, unique people He created. We do not give up how God made us to "blend" with our spouse. We do not have to force unity by becoming less of what God created us to be.

If we have become codependent in our life, though, when we marry we work hard to be what our spouse wants us to be. We can take on responsibility for his or her emotions, reactions, successes, failures, or general well-being. People with codependent characteristics usually seek out and marry people who are dealing with some dysfunction in their lives. Although none of this is usually a conscious decision, the codependent person becomes responsible for the success of the relationship. Many times they put up with intolerable circumstances just to keep the marriage together. When a spouse decides to leave, the codependent spouse may take on full responsibility for the healing of the relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I believe God wants to heal every marriage. The key is who is responsible for the healing. If you believe it is God's responsibility to heal, you will be able to rest in Him and trust Him to do what He needs to do within each of you. If you believe it is your responsibility, then you will tie yourself in knots and consistently rate your "success" by what you have done or said.

Breaking free from codependency is a wonderfully freeing and healing step. If you are constantly feeling guilty that you have not done enough, if you blame yourself that you couldn't keep your marriage together, if you feel you aren't worthy enough to be loved fully and completely by your spouse, then you may want to stay tuned for the next steps in the journey. ~ Marilyn

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding... Proverbs 3:5

Thus says the LORD: "Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the LORD." Jeremiah 15;7

How Long Does This Take?

2010-03-28T07:55:00.000-06:00

Many times people ask me, "How long does do I have to stand? Nothing seems to be happening." Others express their frustration in other ways. "I don't think standing is making any difference. He (or she) hasn't changed a bit." Others tell me, "Oh, I stood for a few years, but nothing ever happened, so I quit."

Unfortunately, most people begin standing for their marriage because they love their spouse and want the marriage restored. Why do I say unfortunately? Because that is the wrong foundation for a stand and when the initial goal is wrong, then all the markers that measure the success of that goal can be discouraging.

The key to understanding a stand is to understand covenant. The "until death do us part" section of the marriage ceremony is not there just for tradition. God designed marriage covenant to be one man and one woman for life. Covenant gives stability to a relationship and to the family that follows. When we are committed to each other no matter what, we have the incentive to work through situations and challenges. Children can grow up with the security that mom and dad aren't going anywhere. Covenant provides a strong foundation for a healthy family.

When marriage is based on performance, though, things are fragile. Each spouse has his or her own "tipping point" -- the set of circumstances that will cause the break up of the marriage. When that tipping point is reached, for them the marriage is over. Children watch it happen to their friends all the time and every argument between their dad and mom strengthens the fear that this could be it for their family as well.

When one spouse walks out on a marriage and the other spouse determines to stand for the marriage, that stand must be based in an understanding of covenant faithfulness -- until death ends the marriage. In other words, the spouse that is standing for the marriage is saying, "I took a vow to be faithful to my husband (or wife) until one of us dies. Since neither of us is dead, that vow still stands and I will honor it with my life."

That means that I will continue to live as a married person, not dating, not seeking another spouse. I will teach my children to honor and respect their father (or mother) the same way I would do if we were together as a family. I will intercede for my spouse as his (or her) chief intercessor because no one else on earth can pray for him (or her) the way I can because we are one.

When a stand is based on this foundation, time is not a factor. The goal is not to get your spouse back, but to honor the covenant that you freely entered into and the promise that you made to God regarding your own faithfulness. So what you measure is not what your spouse is doing or not doing, but what you are doing or not doing.

Are you seeking the Lord daily? Do you know the peace of being in His presence? Is His Word becoming your daily bread? Do you seek to walk in the spirit and not the flesh? Have you opened your broken heart to God so that He might heal you and strengthen you? Do you know what assignment He has for you? If so, are you fulfilling His call on your life?

One of the greatest problems you will face as you stand is being surrounded by people who believe your marriage is over and you should be "getting on with your life." Sadly, many of them will be Christians. Instead of helping you grow in the Lord and support your stand of faithfulness, they will encourage you to look to another person or situation for fulfillment. They will think you are crazy for being faithful to a spouse who obviously doesn't care.

If your initial goal was to get your spouse back, these arguments will make more and more sense to you. If, however, you have based your stand in being faithful to your marriage covenant as long as you both live, then you will realize that finding another person is not the answer. Walking daily with the Lord is so fulfilling that no human being could ever offer a better alternative.

What your spouse does or doesn't do or say will no longer rule your life. As you fully submit your life to the Lord and begin to experience the joy and peace that only He can bring, frustration will be replaced with purpose and power in Him. There is no lack in Jesus -- no loneliness, no frustration, no despair. Those things can only rule our lives when we make something else our goal.

Perhaps as you read this you are thinking it's easy for me to say those things, my husband came home. Be assured, I can say them to you today because I walked in that place with Jesus before my husband returned. I know the joy and the peace of being there. I have lived what I am telling you today and I can guarantee you there is nothing else like it on the face of this earth. - Marilyn

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-8

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

What Is Strength?

2010-02-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

When Governor Sanford's adultery was first revealed, I heard a discussion on TV about whether or not his wife Jenny should stay with him. They talked about the fact that she is a Christian and then one of the commentators said, "I think she's much too strong to stay with him."

During another discussion on another day about Gayle Haggard remaining with Ted, the commentator implied that a stronger woman would have left him.

The counselor I was going to when I stood for our marriage responded exactly the same way to me. He questioned my self-image and implied that I was weak in remaining in the marriage and believing for our healing.

All I can say is people who speak that way have no idea the courage and strength it takes to stand against all odds and believe God to restore a spouse and a marriage. Not only does it take fortitude to stand against the enemy, you also have to stand against the Body of Christ that brings more discouragement than support.

And the challenge to strength comes when every one of us is feeling our weakest. When our heart has been broken, our confidence erased, and our self-image has hit bottom, we must learn to stand strong and fight the good fight of faith. How wonderful it is to have a Savior at a time like that!

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

The world cannot understand that kind of strength. Heavens, sometimes the Body of Christ can't understand that kind of strength. When we are our weakest, He is our strength. When we are crushed, He brings wholeness. When we are in despair, He brings hope. When we can't see past today, He brings vision for tomorrow. When we are without hope, He is our hope.

The fact that we are weak in ourselves and that we can recognize that weakness is what enables us to draw totally on the Lord and rest in Him. So opposite of the world's idea of strength that is take life into your own hands and make good things happen for yourself. That includes getting rid of anyone and anything that stands in your way of happiness and fulfillment.

Walking closely with the Lord and fulfilling daily His call to faithfulness brings the greatest fulfillment and joy that I have known on this earth. Truly the joy of the Lord is our strength. In the midst of the worst circumstances we can walk in joy because He is our source and our strength.

I remember the day that Michael came to me and said, "I have had all the women I wanted and I could not find peace and joy. I have had all the money, fast cars, alcohol, and everything else the world offers and I have taken away from you all financial support and made life miserable for you. Yet every time I come into our home I find peace and joy. I can't find it anywhere in what I am doing. I know that Jesus must be real because I see His reality in your life. I know you and there is no way that you could do this on your own."

And he was right. Marilyn could never have done what only Jesus could do. His strength made me strong. His love made it possible for me to love. His hope gave me vision and His faith infused my heart and taught me to stand in faith as well.

So the next time someone tells you that you are weak for standing, just agree with them. Then share how Jesus strengthens the weak and through Him how you have become one of the strongest people in the world! ~ Marilyn

Beat your plowshares into swords And your pruning hooks into spears; Let the weak say, ‘I am strong." Joel 3:10

For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. 1 Corinthians 1:22-25

Is It Worth It?

2009-12-25T13:25:00.005-07:00

When Michael left me years ago I was pregnant with our third child, Jason. Because of his father's rejection, he had a lot of fear and rejection to overcome in his life. Each of our children reacted differently to their woundings and each was healed in a very special way by Jesus.

This morning for Christmas Jason gave me an engraving. This is what it says.

Dear Mom,

As I scan the horizon and observe the lives of others I am often reminded of how truly fortunate and blessed I am.

So many individuals live lives full of compromise, searching for something that will never make them whole.

Despite the extraordinary circumstances that you have endured, I am grateful that you took the stand that you did in standing for Dad. Our family has been and forever will be changed as a result of this decision.

What rich lives we lead. I thank God for your faithfulness. Imagine where our family would be today had you decided to take the road that so many others have chosen to take. - James 1:12

Merry Christmas! I love you, Mom. Jason

Wonder if it's worth it? You bet it is!
Merry Christmas! ~ Marilyn

Be It Done Unto Me According to Your Will

2009-12-18T20:59:00.002-07:00

This time of year I always think about Mary. For us the Christmas story is filled with wonder and joy, but I often think of how Mary arrived at the fulfillment of God's promise.

She was a young girl, engaged to be married, and, no doubt, preparing as all brides do for her wedding day. Then one day an angel appeared to her. Now that in itself would shake up most of us. The angel greeted her with words of honor and prophecy, "Hail, Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with you." The Message says that Mary "was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that." I guess.

As the angel explained God's plan to her, she must have been shaken even more. What an awesome call God had placed on her life! Not only was she going to carry the Messiah, but she was going to do it as an unwed mother. Under Jewish law, she could be stoned for sexual immorality. Would Joseph understand? How could she tell him that an angel had visited her and that she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Who was going to buy that?

And yet in the midst of what had to be a flood of questions and anxious thoughts, she willingly accepted God's plan for her life and replied, "Be it done unto me according to your will."

And the worst happened. Joseph thought she had been sexually involved with someone else and decided to quietly divorce her to prevent a scandal. The man she loved and had planned to spend her life with rejected her and thought the worst of her.

No doubt others who knew her well, her family and her friends, must have thought the same about her. Shame and disgrace followed her everywhere. And yet she served the Lord and carried the child He had given her. She must have prayed a good deal and begun each day trusting that God would carry her through because all the time she knew that it was being done unto her according to His will.

An angel visited Joseph in a dream and told him the truth about Mary and her baby. What a joy it must have been for her to have the man she loved believe her and trust her again! They were married and Mary must have thought the worst was over. Now everything would settle into a normal routine and before she knew it, her little baby would be born.

But that was not to be. We all know the story of how Joseph and Mary had to travel to Bethlehem to register just before the baby was to be born. Long days of travel on hot dusty roads must have been very hard on a pregnant woman. Car travel is hard enough during pregnancy. Can you imagine riding a donkey? Many times during that trip she must have said again and again, "Be it done unto me according to your will."

And then, just when she thought they had arrived in town and she would be able to rest in a nice, warm bed for the night, there was no room for them in the inn. Now in labor, she must have wondered what God had planned. Was she going to deliver her baby in the street? The manger, although probably the last place she wanted to give birth, had to have seemed like a welcome place compared to the alternative.

And there in that manger, amidst the animals and all that accompanies them, she gave birth to the Messiah, the Savior. How she must have wondered what God's plan was to have His Son born in such a strange place. By then, though, I think Mary must have been understanding better and better that when she surrendered her life into God's hands, He had a plan that He would work out, even if it didn't make sense to her.

I think that's why I relate to Mary so well. She set such good example for us all. We need to surrender our lives in the same way she did We each need to say, "Be it done unto me according to your will." And then we need to stop fighting God at every twist and turn when we do not understand. Circumstances may look absolutely helpless and painful. Those around us may not understand. We may walk in shame and the contempt of others. And yet, through it all, God has a plan. When it makes no sense, He is still at work.

This Christmas may Mary's example be an encouragement to you. She walked in faith and trust through the worst of circumstances because she had chosen to obey God. She didn't know how the story ended. She only knew that God had made a promise to her and that He is faithful. For her, that was enough.

I pray you have a wonderful Christmas, filled with love, joy, and peace and that the New Year brings you into an even deeper walk with the Lord. ~ Marilyn

"And [the shepherds] came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:16-19

Overcoming Holiday Challenges

2009-12-06T12:31:00.003-07:00

Perhaps the hardest time of the year to be standing for your marriage is during the holiday season. Not only is it a time that makes you feel more alone than usual but it is also filled with memories of much happier times. Difficult as they may be, though, the holidays do not need to overwhelm you. There are many things you can do to walk in victory during these challenges days.

First of all, focus on what you do have, not on what you miss. Your life is filled with daily blessings from the Lord and as you allow those blessings to loom bigger in your life than the loss you are feeling, you will begin to develop a much healthier attitude. I just got an app for my phone that is called a Gratitude Journal. Each day I can write down what I am thankful for that day. There is rating system from one to five stars and a place to put a special picture from that day. It is fun to look back over a time period and see all the special ways that God blessed me.

You don't need a phone app to do the same thing. Each evening write down the blessings of that day. When you face a particularly challenging moment, pull out your journal and give thanks for all that God has done for you. Can you walk? Can you talk? Did you enjoy the warm sun on your face? Did you see a beautiful flower or enjoy the smile of a stranger? Did you have food on your table? Did your child hold your hand? Every day is filled with God's special moments of blessing. We just need to focus on them.

If you have small children, remember that this is a very precious time of year for them. (Actually it is for the older ones too.) Do not let your emotions override the joy of the moment. When I was a little girl we lived with my aunt and uncle while my dad was stationed in Korea. Just before Christmas my uncle died. I missed him very much but what I remember as even worse than his death was that the next day the tree came down and Christmas ended. I couldn't understand why all the presents were put away and all the lights and decorations were removed from inside and outside of the house. When I asked why we weren't having Christmas, the adults reacted as if I were disrespectful of the dead. As a child I missed my uncle but I could not make the connection between his death and the end of Christmas.

Your children already miss your spouse. Do not make Christmas a time of mourning or drawn out discussions of what it would be like if he or she were home. Help them enjoy the moment. Infuse the time with love and joy and if they want to talk about their missing parent make sure you keep it a discussion of their feelings, not yours. If they cry, comfort them with hope and peace. You will probably shed a few tears of your own, but try to keep the focus on them. They do not need to feel responsible for your joy and peace. Remind them that Christmas is all about Jesus and that He will never leave them or forsake them.

If time with your children is divided between you and your spouse, send them as ambassadors of love to the other home, not as spies to the enemy camp. The pure heart of a child, unhindered by adult motives or directives, can touch the hardest of hearts. Trust the Lord to cover them and keep them. And if they come back home with glowing reports of the fun they had, remember they are children and Christmas is a very special time for a child. Do not make them feel guilty for enjoying Christmas, no matter who they were with.

Why not start some special new tradition that you and your children can enjoy together? Service to others is a wonderful way to take your mind off your own needs and it's a terrific way to teach your children the true meaning of Christmas. Volunteer as a family to help with a Christmas outreach. Incorporate each child in age-appropriate activities. Teach them to reach out from their own need to help meet the needs of others. That is a lesson that will last them a lifetime.

If funds are a challenge, check out church Christmas programs in your area. Most of the time they are free to the public. Rent a good Christmas movie, pop some popcorn and snuggle together in blankets and pillows and have a family movie night. Make gifts for each other instead of buying expensive presents. Or offer a gift of service to each other. Even the smallest child can help a sibling pick up toys or some other easy activity. Have older children read a story to younger ones. While I was standing our daughter made three cassette tapes for her younger brother who couldn't read. She read a book on each tape and then placed a matching colored dot on the book and the tape that accompanied it. She not only read the story but told him when to turn the page and made comments about things in the book that he liked. For almost two years those were his favorite tapes and books. Plus it gave us a sweet keepsake from their childhood.

There really is no end to what you can do to overcome holiday challenges. Keep your eyes on Jesus and your heart filled with His promises and His joy. Remember the story of Christmas is all about God's promises fulfilled. It is about a couple who overcame the challenges of travel right before the birth of their baby. It is about a baby born in a stable because there was no room for Him in the inn. It is about poor shepherds who were chosen to be the first to hear the good news. It is a story of faith and power. It is a story about God standing in faith for those He loves. ~ Marilyn

"The people who walked in darkness Have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, Upon them a light has shined." Isaiah 9:2

“Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

If you have ideas or suggestions for standing during this season, drop us a comment that we can share with others.

What To Do With the Pain of Betrayal

2009-12-03T18:02:00.008-07:00

Over the years I have met many people whose spouses betrayed them in adultery. 99.9% of them are divorced. Most of them explained to me that they divorced their spouse when they discovered the betrayal because they felt they could never trust him or her again. In this group of divorced people I have found one thing to be universally true ~ no matter how long it has been since they divorced, they are all still hurting from the betrayal.

When we discover that the person we love most in the whole world has rejected us for someone else, we have several options.

Decide that we don't have to take this kind of treatment and end the relationship.
Stay in the relationship but make him or her pay dearly.
Stay emotionally detached so we can't get hurt again.
Find someone and have our own affair.
Forgive and get our heart healed.

Of all the options, those who chose the last one seem to be the only people I meet who are not still carrying hurts and anger. Forgiveness and healing are truly the only road to a healthy life.

I have always felt the initial question to someone whose spouse has committed adultery should not be, "Are you going to stand for your marriage?" I believe it should be, "Do you want to be healed?"

When people ask me how I can talk about all that happened with our marriage and not still be hurting, I share with them that when Jesus heals, He heals completely. It is not anything extraordinary that I did or anything that is special about me. I simply submitted my broken heart to Jesus and walked closely with Him as He taught me what true forgiveness is. I was devastated, hurt beyond words, angry, and periodically in despair. There was no superhuman strength within me personally. It was all His strength and His healing.

I truly believe there is no shortcut past forgiveness. You cannot decide to just get on with your life and hope for health. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks all the other doors. Personal healing comes when you release the hold that betrayal has on you. And I believe it is not just a one-time deal. I had to forgive over and over again and repent over and over again when my heart began to harden once more. When we make a decision to forgive, Jesus walks through the steps of what true forgiveness means.

Feelings or emotions seem to be the last to conform to true forgiveness. Many times people are waiting to "feel" like forgiving. Forget it! That is the last thing you are going to feel when you are in a thousand emotional pieces. Choosing to forgive when nothing within you feels like it is what starts you on the journey.

I have heard it said that forgiveness releases all claim for the wrong and I believe that is part of it, but the end result of forgiveness, I truly believe, is compassion and blessing. As your own heart is healed by the Lord, He can then begin pouring His compassion into that healthy vessel. The compassion of the Lord is what brought Him to tears over Jerusalem. His compassion for the lost nailed Him to the cross. When His compassion for your spouse begins to flow through your heart, you will see with new eyes of understanding. Your intercession will come out of a desire to see your spouse set free and walking with the Lord. You will desire to bless, not out of a need to receive in return, but out of a heart that overflows with God's love and compassion.

Whatever decisions you make about your broken marriage, I pray that the first one is to forgive and be healed. There simply are no shortcuts past that road. ~ Marilyn

"Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies." Psalm 103:1-4

It's Not Just for You

2009-12-03T15:56:00.003-07:00

Something very special happened yesterday. And the Lord did it in the most unusual way.

I have always been a bit uncomfortable when the people we are with in a restaurant ask the waitress if she is a Christian when she first walks up to our table. I am equally uncomfortable when people ask the same question of salespeople in a store or a stranger on a bus. I'm not saying they are wrong and I am right or that I am wrong and they are right. I've just never been comfortable with the approach.

I've always felt that God puts certain people in each of our lives and gives us the privilege of living our lives before them. We are given positions of influence in the lives of people we know. I know that many lead people to the Lord on planes and in lines at the store, but I have always had a burden to make sure those I lead to the Lord are discipled and mentored in the faith.

I once led a woman to the Lord on a plane after she and I had been engaged in lively conversation for a while. I got her address and phone number and called her as soon as we both got home. I found a Spirit-filled church near her and put the folks there in touch with her. I called her and followed up with her for six months following her acceptance of Jesus to make sure she was getting grounded in the faith and discipled in the Lord. Guess it's just the way the Lord has wired me, but I can't bear to just have someone say a prayer and then walk out of his or her life.

Which brings me to the special thing Jesus did yesterday. For a little over a year now I have been getting a manicure twice a month as a special treat. Not only have I been blessed with beautiful nails, but the Lord has given me a whole new sphere of influence.

Here is where my hesitancy to jump on people about Jesus comes in. I have shared where I am with the Lord and have shared bits of our testimony with my nail tech. She had a very hard marriage and has been divorced for many years now.

When you have a standing nail appointment you get to know the woman right before you and the one right after you pretty well. A couple months ago a new woman started coming for her appointment right after me. Since we overlap about 20 minutes, we talked and I learned a bit about her life. Divorced several years ago she is still struggling with emotions and hurts. I asked the Lord what I was to share and He told me just to get to know her and to hear her heart.

Yesterday the topic of Tiger Woods came up and both women said they thought his wife should divorce him and take all she could get. Immediately my nail tech said, "But that's not what you would recommend, is it?" She had heard my heart about marriage healing!

She shared briefly with the other client about our marriage healing and our ministry. Then the client looked at me and asked, "How could you do that? The pain of betrayal is just too much." And the door opened wide!

I truly believe if we wait for the Holy Spirit's timing and follow His leading, He takes us to places that are so far beyond what we could personally ever arrange. For several uninterrupted minutes I was able to share the depth of what God had done in my own heart and then in our marriage. I told her, "It was not me. I couldn't do it, but Jesus could." With tears in her eyes, she said, "I have known that depth of relationship with Him. I have heard His voice like you said you did."

There was a noticeable softening in her face and voice as she said, "I used to share Jesus like that at work but no one seemed to understand me. I need to start doing that again."

There is nothing that thrills my heart more than to see another person activated in their faith and energized in their walk with the Lord. The first week I met this woman she was swearing a blue streak. This week she determined to renew her walk with the Lord and begin sharing His life with others again. Don't ever underestimate how God wants to influence those He places in your life through your life.

In the end I said to them both, "You never know what God wants to do with your life. Sometimes when we are going through something very painful, we think it is all about our own survival but it isn't. It is about what God wants to do for others through you." And today I encourage you with those same words. ~ Marilyn

"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death." Revelation 12:11

Life and Death

2009-11-28T20:42:00.005-07:00

Don't let anyone ever tell you that what you are doing is not making a difference. Two things happened this past week that once again confirmed the power of standing in the gap.

The first one involved a young couple we know. They have been experiencing a lot of financial difficulty during these trying times and, as usual, financial pressures put a good deal of stress on their relationship. They had separated a couple times in the past few months and those around them were beginning to speak about a possible divorce. We hate hearing those words spoken by or about any couple and so we contacted them. We did not just want to talk to them about their marriage. We knew they needed to feed their children and pay bills and so we gave them a financial blessing as well as words of encouragement.

We reminded them that neither of them is the enemy and that their one real enemy wants to destroy their lives and their family. We encouraged them to stand together during these stressful times and walk in unity with the Lord. And we prayed for them.

We saw them this week and it was hard to believe they were the same couple as before. They were standing so strong in faith and shared several miracles they had seen in just the past week. God has provided a home for them and other financial breakthroughs are coming. They were giving Him glory and praise and we were so blessed to see the change God had made in their hearts and their lives. She gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you for being there for us. Your words of encouragement meant more than you know."

Sometimes a few words make all the difference in the world.

The second situation involves another young couple. They worked with us in the ministry for many years. The Lord had done miracles in their own marriage and they had a heart to reach out to other couples. Through their lives many were touched and changed.

A few months ago we read on her Facebook page that they were divorcing. We were shocked. We had seen her just a short time before that and had talked about a number of things but not once had she mentioned that they were having trouble. Her posting made a statement about her husband changing completely from what he had been before.

They knew the truth. They had taught it to others. They had stood and fought with others for their marriages and homes and yet when the heat was on, their marriage was taken out. It broke our hearts but the real tragedy had not yet come.

This past week someone showed us a picture online of the young man. I will not go into detail but it was obvious that he was not serving the Lord. What gripped me most, though, were his eyes. They had always sparkled with life, actually twinkled. But now they looked dead. I couldn't stop staring at them. It was as if someone had taken out his soul.

In the past few days as we celebrated Thanksgiving and remembered once again all the blessings God has poured out in our lives, I couldn't stop thinking about the second young couple. I kept wondering, what if she had stood? What if she had stood in faith, believing what God says about him? What if she had fought the enemy on his behalf? What if she had been his chief intercessor? What if she had told the devil he couldn't have him?. Would his eyes look so dead today?

What if she had believed that their covenant was stronger than the lies of the enemy? What if she had believed that God is more powerful than the devil? What if she could have loved him when he was unlovable? What if she could have seen him with eyes of faith?

How he got where he is I do not know. But I do know that's not where God wants him to be.

Don't let anyone ever tell you that you are not making a difference. The love of God, the compassion of God, the power of God, and the victory of God are in your prayers. Don't give up. Don't abandon your spouse to the circumstances of his or her choosing. Stand firm and draw your strength from the Lord. Those who have made poor decisions and surrounded themselves with impossible circumstances need those who stand in the power of God. Don't give up! ~ Marilyn

"Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter." Proverbs 24:11

Life After Adultery

2009-09-28T09:35:00.003-06:00

Fogive me for being away for so long. The summer was filled with many situations and needs that took much more time than I had to give. Praise the Lord that things are settling down to the normal roar again!!

I thought about you a good deal during the summer. Attending the Covenant Keeper's convention in Tulsa again reminded me of the brave warriors who are standing in faith for spouses and families across this nation and beyond. During those days there and since then in letters and emails, many have asked me about what to do after a spouse returns home from one or more adulterous affairs. It seems this is a good time to address that issue.

First of all, for a woman the betrayal of adultery is not so much sexual as it is emotional. To have your husband share his heart, his life, and his very soul with another woman is much more painful than the fact that they had sex together. For a man the pain of the sexual betrayal of his wife is much more painful. It is hard in this short space to cover all aspects of life after adultery, so I will address a few pertinent points.

The betrayal: When adultery is discovered, one of the first things a spouse realizes is how much he or she has been lied to. You remember dates and times and stories that you now know were not true. You wonder how you could have been so dumb to believe what you had been told when the truth should have been so obvious. Your emotions roller coaster from the depths of pain and dispair to an anger you didn't believe was within you. The person you love most on this earth not only chose someone else over you but played you in the bargain.

The rejection: Once the full realization of what has happened hits you, you begin to wonder why you were not enough. What was wrong with you that your spouse had to find someone else. You begin mental comparrisons and try to figure out what that person has that you do not. Your self esteem hits rock bottom and you may even wonder if anyone ever would want you.

The anger: Anger takes a lot of energy and so it usually is not the first emotion to surface in a woman. Men, on the other hand, usually experience anger much more rapidly when a wife is unfaithful. I remember I used to fluctuate between wanting to die and wanting to kill my husband and the woman he was with at the moment. One night I threw an entire box of glasses at the garage door because I didn't know what else to do with the rage I felt in my heart. Anger and frustration often seem to travel hand-in-hand as the inability to "fix things" sets in.

There are many more emotions and reactions to adultery, but for now I want to focus on what happens when a spouse leaves the adulterous affair and comes home. I want to stress that these are ideas and suggestions. You need to ask the Lord what He wants for you and follow His voice in your life.

Sometimes a couple feels that returning to a "normal" sex life in their marriage will help with the healing process. More often than not, this is not the case. For one thing, if you are still feeling insecure about your ability to please your spouse, this can turn into a time of real performance. Instead of expressing deep love for each other, it can become a time of "I'll show you how great this can be." That motive is never a satisfying or lasting basis for physical intimacy. On just a practical basis, in this day and age, a spouse who has been sexually active outside of his or her marriage should be tested for STDs before physical intimacy resumes in the marriage.

Secondly, if other issues have not been addressed, trying to cover them with sex is not going to help your relationship. Trust is a biggy. It has been broken and trampled upon in your marriage and it must be restored again. Rushing into a physical relationship will not help build trust. In the Song of Solomon three times (2:7; 3:5; and 8:4) it warns to not awaken love too soon.

We often recommend to couples that they begin "dating" again. Go out together, to dinner or a movie, go for walks in the park. Spend time together in places where physical intimacy is not encouraged. Learn to like each other again. TALK to each other. Rekindle your romance. Encourage your spouse to pursue you, to win you over again--not in a manipulative way, like holding out a carrot for good performance, but out of a genuine desire to be love and be loved at a much deeper level.

Hopefully during the time you were standing for your marriage you walked through healing with the Lord. The wounding and rejection of the adultery can be fully addressed long before a spouse comes home. If that is not your situation, then spend time with the Lord and allow Him to heal any remaining wounding in your heart. Your renewed relationship needs to be built on a healthy foundation.

And last, but not least, place your trust for change in the Lord, not your spouse. Jeremiah 17:5 says, "Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength..." If you base the rebuilding of trust in your relationship on what your spouse does or doesn't do, you will probably be disappointed. Plus you will put severe pressure on your spouse to perform correctly in order for the relationship to continue to heal. It is not by might or by power but by the Spirit of the Lord that your marriage will heal.

Trust God to work in your own heart and in your spouse's. God is bigger than the problems and it is His overcoming power that will bring change to each of you and to your marriage. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." As you rebuild trust in your marriage, you need to lean on the Lord, trust in Him, and not try to figure it out yourself or place the burden of performance on your spouse.

The enemy will work overtime during this time of restoration because he does not want to see the healing occur. If your spouse is late, if you can't locate your spouse, if anything out of the ordinary happens, your mind will begin painting pictures of what could be happening. Don't go there. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) You have authority over your thoughts. Don't let them run wild.

Keep your eyes and your heart fixed on the Lord and trust that He is working in your spouse to change him or her from the inside out. Walk in love and faith. Give God time to accomplish His will within your lives and your marriage. ~ Marilyn

The World Is Watching

2009-07-05T07:04:00.005-06:00

It has been interesting watching the situation with Gov. Mark Sanford. When the news of his adultery first broke, reporters on station after station speculated about what was going to happen. One in particular stood out to me as the reporter stated that the governor's wife would surely not stand by her man because she was a woman of strong faith. Evidently being strong in their eyes meant taking care of number one. I waited to see what would happen.

When Jenny Sanford announced that she had chosen to forgive her husband and work on their marriage, the press went wild. The world began to smirk. They didn't know what to do with forgiveness in the face of infidelity and so they mocked her decision.

This morning I watched a panel that included a psychologist discussing the probability of reconciliation between the governor and his wife. All the learned panel members chimed in about what is possible and what is not. At best, they could only conceive of a relationship built on gut determination to make things work for the sake of the children. True forgiveness and healing were not even words in their vocabulary.

This situation with the governor of South Carolina has impressed upon me once again how little the world understands about the heart of God and how very little they know of His power. And once again it has confirmed in my heart that one of the greatest witnesses we can give on this earth is to stand for the healing of our marriage.

The world is accustomed to hearing sermons and can many times quote scripture right along with believers, but when confronted with forgiveness and total trust in the Lord for a relationship as important as marriage, the world is baffled. A marriage as wounded as Gov. Sanford's can only be healed by the power of God. Gut determination may keep people together for a season to accomplish a goal, such as keep the family together for the children, but in the end the marriage usually breaks up once the goal is accomplished. Gut determination does nothing to change hearts.

Too often the world has observed the believers reacting the same way the world does when confronted with marital crisis. Leaving a spouse because of infidelity is the world's way and far too often, the Church's as well. When we act like the world, the world has no problem understanding. They even applaud the decision. After all, it is what they would do.

When we walk in faith, though, the world is without explanation. They think we are crazy or weak or living in a fantasy world. They mock what they cannot comprehend. "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" 1 Corinthians 1:18.

As we look across our nation today, believers are ridiculed, mocked, and even attacked when we stand up for what we believe. A war is being waged to silence us all together. Preaching means little if our lives don't line up with the Word of God. I truly believe that it is the manifestation of the power of God that will show the world He is real. When that power is manifest through His love and compassion, the world will be astonished. Just like the Philippian jailer in Acts 16, they will ask, "What must I do to be saved?"

Every time someone chooses to stand for their marriage, to trust God for healing and reconciliation, the world sees one more example of the heart of a believer. Once more the world is confronted with faith they cannot fathom and forgiveness they cannot muster. I don't personally believe there is any greater witness to the power of God than faithfulness in the face of unfaithfulness. The world can only recommend moving on and finding someone new. The believer who is standing sends out a clear message that there is a better way.

I pray that Mark and Jenny Sanford are surrounded with believers who will support them as they heal. I pray that Jenny especially has believers around her who hold her arms up in the battle for her marriage and family. Even as the world mocks, they are watching. May the Church stand firmly behind this couple and speak words of life to them. And as you stand and believe for your own marriage, please pray for Mark and Jenny as well.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

Don't Sit While You Stand

2009-05-22T17:31:00.002-06:00

What are you doing while you are standing? What occupies your thoughts? Where do you focus your energy? Where do you find your peace and contentment?

These are important questions when we are standing. The point of standing is not to be consumed by standing. Your spouse should not be your focus. Your marriage healing should not be your focus. You should keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith.

An amazing thing happens when you focus on Jesus. You begin to build a solid, deep relationship with Him. When I first began standing, it was all about me--my pain, my rejection, my heart's desires, etc. The more I walked with Jesus, though, the more His life became my life and His vision became my vision. The love that compels Him began to compel me. The compassion that moves Him began to move me. The desires of His heart became the desires of mine.

People who are focused solely on the healing of their marriage are hard to be around. They are like an open pit that sucks in every bit of life around them. I think we are all there at some point but that is not where we should remain. No one who is in love with Jesus and is walking closely with Him comes off as a needy person. Those who focus only on themselves are a walking mass of need. People begin to avoid them because there is no way they can possibly meet that need.

Ask yourself a question. What is the focus of your daily life? Is it calling out to Jesus to meet your need? Is it telling others how much you love your spouse and desire to have him/her with you again? It is making sure others know you are suffering? Or are you focused on Jesus? Are you at peace? Do you share with others how wonderful He is and what He has done in your life?

Scripture tells us that out of the abundance of our heart, our mouth speaks. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. If you are focused on yourself and on your lack or pain or emptiness, that is what will come out of your mouth. That is where your heart is. If, though, you are focused on Jesus and His tremendous life within you, that is what will come out of your mouth. When your heart is grounded in Him, life will easily flow from your lips.

Your life should not be put on hold while you wait to receive what you are praying for. "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

That is how we are to wait: actively serving our Lord, focused on Him. Look at what happens when we wait like that. We are strengthened. We do not grow weary. We mount up and fly over circumstances like the eagle.

So how are you waiting? Are you sitting and waiting or are you serving the Lord with all your heart? Are you counting the days and wondering when God is going to answer your prayers? Or are you so in love with the Lord and with walking with Him that He will be the one to tell you when your prayers are answered.

Before you can live that way, though, you must settle something in your heart. Do you have a marriage covenant that is broken only by the death of either you or your spouse? If you truly believe that, then time is not an issue. You can put away the clock and the calendar and stop wondering "when." You can focus on Jesus and His plans for you. You can serve Him with all your heart. You can fall more deeply in love with Him with each passing day.

If, however, you have a plan B somewhere in the back of your mind, then time will be very important to you. What happens day to day with your marriage will consume you and your focus will remain on you and your needs. You will always be wondering if your marriage is really going to be healed or if you should get "on with your life".

I want to be as blunt and honest with you as I can. When we stand we all go through a time when we are broken and crushed by the circumstances of our marriage. We all need healing in our own hearts. That is where most of us start. But that is not where we should remain. If you believe that Jesus is strong enough and powerful enough to heal your marriage, then you must also believe He is able to heal your own heart. If He is able to turn the heart of the king, then He must be able to minister to your heart and bring you to wholeness in Him.

You must become a whole person in Jesus no matter what you do with your life. Your spouse is not going to heal your heart. Your spouse cannot make you whole. Seeing your marriage healed will not bring you fulfillment. So you must stop putting all your emotional energy into your love and desire for your spouse.

If your heart is broken, you need to allow Jesus to bring you healing before anything else. Your own healing is key to your stand. Then out of your wholeness in Him, you can serve Him with all your heart. Instead of sitting while you stand, you can run and not grow weary! ~ Marilyn

"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass." Psalm 37:7

"Wait on the LORD;Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14

Consider Leah

2009-05-06T14:14:00.003-06:00

Have you ever thought much about Leah? Just think what her life must have been like. (Genesis 29:14-28) Jacob wanted to marry her younger sister Rachel, who was "lovely in form and beautiful. He worked seven years to win Rachel, but Laban instead gave him Leah, his older daughter, who had "weak eyes". I’ve always had a bit of trouble understanding how Jacob didn’t know the difference at the wedding, but have chalked it up to lots of veils.

At any rate, when Jacob discovered he had the wrong daughter, he went to Laban and pleaded for Rachel to be his wife. Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work."

That must have been some week. Leah spending her first week of married life with a husband who couldn't wait for the week to end so he could get the woman he really wanted. Leah began her married life as the wife Jacob did not want. "Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah."

Then scripture says, “When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son.” When Michael found out I was pregnant with our third child, he left me and said he didn’t want the baby or me. As my time of delivery grew near, God gave me this scripture. It was how He told me I was carrying a boy. Then He said that his name would mean healer and that he would bring great healing to many in his life. I had to take a baby book and read all the names to find the one that meant healer—Jason, God’s child of promise!

As Leah continued to have children, Rachel remained barren. One can only read between the lines that Jacob probably spent a lot more time with Rachel wanting to conceive than with pregnant Leah. Her life must have been filled with loneliness and rejection.

Leah’s story may have been a sad one, but it ended well. Rachel died in childbirth and was buried by the side of the road, but when Jacob was dying he gave instructions to be buried where "Abraham and his wife Sarah were buried, there Isaac and his wife Rebekah were buried, and there I buried Leah." In the end, God honored Leah's position as Jacob’s covenant wife and she was buried alongside her husband in the family burial grounds.

Today maybe you feel like Leah (or maybe Lee if you are a guy), unloved and unwanted by your spouse. Jacob was very overt in his desire for another woman and very clear in his rejection of Leah. No doubt you too have experienced that treatment or something similar.

Yet God remembered Leah and blessed her and honored her. You need to look to the One who truly knows who you are and loves you and desires the very best for you. What your spouse thinks or believes right now is not the end of the story. Just as with Leah, God sees where you are today and the condition of your relationship. He is more than able to bless you along the way.

I have always loved the story of Leah. It gave me hope when things were dark and seemed hopeless. It showed me that God's love is greater than man's rejection. And it demonstrated to me that generations can be blessed by the Lord through one person's faithfulness. ~ Marilyn

"For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess." Deuteronomy 30:16

"He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4

Does This Make Sense?

2009-03-27T17:44:00.013-06:00

This week my husband, Michael, said something very powerful to me. We had just received an email from an apostle in the Body of Christ who is helping restore a man to ministry. This man divorced his wife and married another woman with whom he was having an affair before the divorce. Now that he's remarried, the Church's goal is to get this man back into ministry as soon as possible.

My husband said to me, "Isn't it amazing. If he and his first wife had decided to stay together and get their marriage healed, he would have been removed from ministry for several years to be disciplined and rehabilitated. Since he divorced his wife, though, and married the other woman, his slate is now clean and he can get back to ministry as soon as possible." He shook his head and added, "It just doesn't make sense."

How sad and how true. The Body of Christ seems very confused regarding marriage and divorce. While faith for physical healing is preached world-wide, seldom do we hear a sermon about standing for a marriage and seeing it healed. There are any number of teaching series available on DVD about faith for finances, but only a few about faith for marriage healing.

Free will is sometimes preached as stronger than the power of God in a relationship. It seems that what the sinner wants is not supposed to be messed with or opposed. It makes me wonder why we pray for someone to be saved. Maybe they don't want to be saved. After all, they have free will. Why do we mess with that and pray that they receive the Lord? Could it be that we know that is God's will for them? Is it not just as much God's will for a spouse to return to his or her covenant partner?

Do you know that "free will" in the Bible only refers to an offering? Do you realize that everyone's will is aligned either with God or with the devil? No one's will is in neutral, waiting to line up somewhere. When we are born into this world, our will is aligned with Satan. We live in our sinful nature. When we receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we align our will with His. Every person is in one group or the other. Why would we then not want to pray for those whose wills are aligned with the enemy?

Scripture tells us that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. The Contemporary English Bible says, "We live in this world, but we don't act like its people or fight our battles with the weapons of this world. Instead, we use God's power that can destroy fortresses. We destroy arguments and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people's thoughts and make them obey Christ."

When our spouse is caught in the enemy's trap, we stand in the gap and intercede for strongholds to fall and for our spouse to agree with God's will. We walk in faith, seeing the unseen as more real than the seen. I remember God telling me to consider my husband a prisoner of war held in the enemy camp. I needed to intercede for him so that he might be set free from captivity and be able to make his own decision for Christ. People told me to leave him alone because he had a free will, but God showed me that his will was not free but was aligned with Satan. He could not fight for himself and so I needed to fight for him.

Why does the Body of Christ believe that the spouse who wants to leave the marriage has more power than the one who wants to stay? Why does the Church honor the wishes of the prodigal and ridicule the wishes of the one standing? Why is the one who dishonors his or her covenant considered more sane and more stable than the one who remains faithful to it? It is because the Church has bought the lie that divorce is the answer to a troubled marriage.

I remember years ago in Washington we heard that in 1920 a book was written in Germany by a couple of doctors that declared that the compassionate thing to do was to end a life that was substandard. From that time until World War II, doctors in Germany were indoctrinated with this philosophy so that by the time Hitler made plans to exterminate certain groups of people, all he had to do was convince the doctors that their lives were substandard. It was falsely believed that it was more compassionate to end those lives than to allow them to continue living in a painful state.

Unfortunately, the Church has received this same philosophy regarding marriage and now believes that the compassionate thing to do is end a marriage that is in trouble. Healing takes time. Healing is painful, but in the end healing is healthy. Ending marriages that are in pain only perpetuates pain. It may be a quick solution, but in the end the aftermath lasts for years and years. Taking the time to heal is so much better in the long run.

So why am I writing all this to you? You are standing and you believe that God wants to heal your marriage. I just want to encourage you that you are not alone and that, even though the deck seems stacked against you at times, God has given you faith and grace for this hour. Don't be discouraged.

We sense that a new season is beginning and that many will come to understand covenant in this season. We know that before the Lord returns, His Bride must understand covenant. So stand strong and trust the Lord. Don't try to make things happen - trust the Lord to do them. You are a true hero of the faith! ~ Marilyn

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:14-19

No Magic Formula

2009-03-10T09:22:00.011-06:00

Sorry about the long hiatus. We had a little problem that shut us down for a while. Please make sure the person you are forwarding the blog to wants to receive it. Sending it to your spouse is probably not a good idea. Angry spouses tend to report that as spam.

Many times people think that if they just say or do something, it will be the key to a spouse changing his or her mind and restoring the marriage. I have received many emails saying that I don't make it clear what I did to get my husband to come home. If you are looking for an answer like that, this is probably not going to help you much.

There is no magic formula or specific thing to do that will make the difference for your marriage. I would hope that those who follow this blog regularly would understand that the key is your relationship with God. You cannot change another person. You cannot be obedient for someone else.

You can grow closer to the Lord and learn to hear His voice ever more clearly. You can obey His directions for you. You can allow Him to change your heart and your focus. That is what standing is all about. What happens with your spouse and your marriage is almost secondary to the miraculous changes that will happen in your own life if you devote yourself to following the Lord during this time.

No human being is your answer. In fact, it is idolatry to make a human being more important or having more power than God in your life. Your fulfillment, your peace, your contentment are not based on whether or not your spouse is with you. All those things come from relationship with the Lord.

When David returned to Ziklag and found that his whole family had been taken from him, scripture tells us "but David found strength in the Lord his God" (1 Samuel 30:6). That is the only place you will find strength at any time in your life, let alone when you are standing and fighting a battle for your home.

We must each learn to run to Him and find our answers in Him and Him alone. When Jesus went to the cross, He bore all our sins and suffered the judgement of them all for us. He took other things to that cross for us as well. He suffered betrayal through a phony kiss from someone He loved. He was brutalized and shamed publicly. He was abandoned by all but a close few. Not only did His body suffer indescribable torture, but His soul also bore the pain and suffering that others inflicted upon Him. He bore all of that so that we might not have to.

So, when we are faced with betrayal, with shame, with abandonment, and loneliness we can turn to Him. He has borne them all for us and in Him we can find total peace. Some feel that the restoration of a marriage is the final goal but we can personally tell you that only leads to deeper issues that God wants to resolve in each of our lives. Marriage is a constant working out of God's plan for both of us and requires healing and adjustment, growth and adjustment, and challenges and adjustment.

Marriage is never static or settled. One of us is always growing and changing and that requires the other one to grow and change as well. We are constantly adjusting to what God is doing within each of our lives and our relationship. What I learned while I was standing is what ministers to us today. Our peace is not in each other. Our total joy and fulfillment are not found in each other. Our relationship grows and flourishes in proportion to how much we draw on Jesus and allow Him to work on our hearts.

Once, one of us stood for our marriage. Now we stand together. And together we face the same attacks and the same schemes of the enemy that he has used since the Garden of Eden. Reconciling your marriage will be of little benefit if you have not learned to rest totally in Jesus while you stand. Many times we see couples reconcile only to break up again. Why? Many times it is because the one standing thought that the answer to prayer was having his or her spouse come home.

No, your answer to prayer is your own transformation in Christ. The more you draw into Him, the more you will find peace and joy in all circumstances and the less you will look to people to be your answer. God wants your marriage and family to be restored but God's plan is so much bigger than just that. God sees generationally. He sees the beginning from the end.

When God gives an answer, the blessings go out as ripples in the water. The center may be where the miracle occurs, but the ripples continue to bless lives through the generations. Your answer to prayer will also be the answer for many, many others as what God does in your life goes out into the lives of others.

Far too often the Church short circuits the work of God in the hearts of His people by finding answers for them in people. "Forget that first spouse. God has someone better for you." And the real tragedy is that a person is once again made the answer and the cycle begins again.

How much better it would be if all God's people could be helped to understand that the reason we get into trouble in life in the first place is because we thought a person would fulfill us in some way - perhaps a spouse, or a child, or a parent, or a friend. And yet, in the end, everyone of them fails us in some way or another. God gave us the desire for relationship and gave us people to relate to but His plan was that we would find our fulfillment and our identity in Him and Him alone. ~ Marilyn

"For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

"And the peace of God, that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

What About the Children?

2009-02-01T17:37:00.008-07:00

So many of you have asked me about our children during my stand - how did they deal with it, what about them being around the other woman, their relationship with their dad, etc. As I share my experience I recognize that it is not the same as yours. I pray that you may find some answers and some encouragement as you seek the Lord for your particular situation.

When Michael became involved with the first other woman, our daughter was eight and our son was five. I was pregnant with our third child. Along with telling me he didn't want me around anymore, he also told our children that he never wanted them and wished they'd never been born. The devil really does fight dirty.

Every child is different and every one of them reacts individually when faced with a crisis like that. Our daughter was very emotional, crying most of the time and deeply wounded by her dad's rejection. Our son internalized everything and I mistook his outward calm for inward well being. On top of that, at five years old he became the man of the house. I didn't realize it at the time but I began to rely on him to take care of things my husband had done such as take out the garbage. We had a very steep driveway in our home in the mountains and one of my most vivid memories was looking out the window and seeing my little five-year-old struggling up that long, steep driveway with a full garbage can. I ran out to help him and he said, "It's okay, Mom. I can do it."

That was his heart toward me, always protecting and taking care of me. Our daughter healed just as openly as she had grieved, but our son is still healing to this day. Pay attention to the one that seems to be doing so well.

When our third child, our second son, was born he was severely demonically oppressed. The enemy had attacked him in the womb with the rejection of his father. When Michael learned I was pregnant he had declared he did not want the baby. He spoke words of death over our child and those words wounded him and allowed the enemy an opening to oppress him. Eventually we learned how to get him set free, but that is another story.

The Lord impressed upon me that no matter what my husband was saying and doing, he still had the authority that God had given me as the head of our home. If I truly believed God was going to heal our marriage, then I needed to prepare our children for the return of their father to their lives. If I dishonored him to them or if I allowed them to dishonor him, then I would be contributing to their lack of respect for him. Yet, on the other hand, he had said terrible things to them and had hurt them tremendously. I didn't know how to deal with that and yet help them to continue loving and honoring him.

As usual, the Lord has answers for us when we pray. As I sought Him, He reminded me of His command, "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12) If I did not teach my children to honor their father, then I would be cursing them with the effects of dishonor to parents. But how would I help them love and honor him when he was treating them so terribly?

Again the Lord gave me wisdom. My children were young and yours may be older, so this is what the Lord spoke to me. It may not be what He would have you do. You must ask Him for your own answers.

For my children, though, the Lord gave me the perfect answer. I sat down with them and asked, "if Daddy were sick, what would we do to help him?" They answered as little children do with various things such as get him a cold cloth or see if he needs some medicine. Then I said to them, "Daddy is sick, but it's not his body that is sick. It is his mind. He doesn't look sick but inside the devil has made him very sick and so he says and does things that are not like your real daddy. We need to help Daddy just like we would if he were sick in his body."

They thought about that for a minute and asked some questions that related to his words to them and his behavior toward them. Then they said, "We hate the devil. He's made our daddy sick." God had helped them to see who their real enemy was. How many Christians never realize that truth!

From that day forth we cried together and prayed together for Daddy to be healed. Eventually each child had to forgive him in their own time and maturity, but for that season we reached a place where they could relate to what was happening and love and honor their father.

When Michael came home, they ran to greet him. I believe their love for him was part of his healing. Marital discord and separation break the hearts of children. They should never be used as weapons in the war between Dad and Mom. They should never be used as spies or as secret agents when they are with the other parent. Children's hearts are pure and when they learn to hear the voice of the Lord, they will listen to Him.

I don't want to minimize the trauma of sending your children to the other woman (or man). It tears our hearts out to have our children go into the enemy camp. But remember, none of that is of their choosing. They didn't want you to separate in the first place. The enemy is a terrible foe and he fights dirty. He will try to get to your children and he will use any means he can. You need to help your children learn the truth of God's Word. You need to teach them how to hear His voice. He speaks to children so clearly and their hearts are so open.

There is only one enemy and he is not your spouse or the other person. Satin is the enemy. Teach your children to recognize him and his ways. You do not have to use names or people as examples. Those who know how to recognize the truth will detect the lie easily. It is when we argue against our spouse as loudly as our spouse argues against us that our children become confused as to who is telling the truth.

Let this time of standing become a spiritual classroom for you and your children. Show them the love of God. Let them see you returning good for evil. Let them see you loving when you are not loved. Let them see you forgiving and blessing. Let them hear you speaking words of honor and love for your spouse. When the Lord is shining through your life, they will clearly see the difference when they are with those who are following the enemy. The lessons they learn in this season will last a lifetime. ~ Marilyn

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'" Matthew 19:14

"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." Psalm 8:2

Q and A

2009-01-29T16:58:00.014-07:00

Okay, I took a deep breath since yesterday. I want to make sure you understand when I talk about Christians divorcing I am not talking about those who have no choice because the law allows their spouse to divorce even if they don't want to. I am talking about Christians who both walk away from a marriage and declare that nothing can be done. When one spouse decides to take a powerful stand in the spirit to see the marriage healed, that sends an entirely different, very healthy message. Just want to make sure that is clear.

I'd like to start answering questions today that have been submitted by followers of this blog.

Question: How did you pray while you were standing? Were you scared?

Answer: When I first began standing I was terrified. I was pregnant with our third child, our two other children were terribly wounded by what was happening, and I didn't know of one person who had stood for their marriage. I didn't know what the future held for us and I didn't know what to do. I was an emotional basket case and I was filled with fear and doubt. All I knew was the Lord had told me if I was willing to stand, He would be there for me.

Our pastor says that sometimes the most effective prayer is, "Help!" That was my initial prayer. It was usually prayed as I sobbed uncontrollably, clutching my Bible, trying to figure out what to do next. The hurt was so deep and so painful and I felt so worthless and abandoned. I was not a woman of faith or courage. I vacillated between hopelessness and fury. One minute I wanted God to heal our marriage and the next I just wanted to kill the two of them. No wonder people watching me thought I should just move on with my life.

Gradually, though, the peace of the Lord began to sink into my heart. I couldn't explain it. Nothing really had changed in the natural. If anything, things had gotten worse. Yet in the midst of all of that, the Lord began to forge within me a solid faith that He was at work. It didn't happen overnight. Every waking moment I clung to Him. Every moment I was not taking care of children or working or completing household chores, I sat in His presence and read the Word. I was bankrupt emotionally and spiritually and being in His presence was the only place I could find peace from the storm around me. I think that gradually the peace of being with Him began to calm my heart and clear my head. Faith had been planted in my heart and was beginning to grow.

At first my prayers were very basic and very scattered. I prayed for God to take care of my children and me, I prayed for food and other necessities, and I prayed for my husband to come home. Sometimes my prayers were uttered in a moment of panic and other times they flowed in a more settled emotion. Basically, though, they were survival prayers.

As time passed and as I learned to hear the voice of the Lord more clearly, my prayers changed to praying scripture for my husband and our marriage and family. I had begun to realize that the attack on our marriage was really a demonic plan to destroy our family and home. This helped me to remember that I was not fighting flesh and blood. The Lord had begun healing my heart, so things weren't all about me anymore. My own pain had subsided somewhat and I could focus on my husband who was caught in the enemy's snare.

I began to realize that I was not a victim but a victor in Christ. My husband was the one who was caught in the clutches of the enemy. I was free in Christ and in Him I was more than a conquerer. As I began to get God's perspective, I began to pull out of the focus on me and my problems and began to fight spiritual warfare on my husband's behalf. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

Eventually (after a couple years) my prayers became very focussed. I would wake in the morning and ask the Lord what demons were assigned to my husband that day. The Lord would very clearly reveal to me the enemy's plans for the day. I would then bind those spirits and declare their assignments cancelled and I would pray for Michael to recognize those areas of his life where the enemy was working.

I think the key for me was the more time I spent with the Lord, the greater the compassion that He placed in my heart for Michael. Eventually I could pray for him with the love and compassion of the Lord, not my own emotions or desires.

Everyone's journey is unique but I would encourage you to spend every moment you can in the presence of the Lord. He will transform your heart and give you vision far beyond your own. He will also replace your hurt with a powerful love and compassion that is not limited to human love. There were many days when I did not love my husband, but the Lord never stopped loving Him. He went to the cross to see Michael set free and that love is what carried me when I had none of my own left.

So many times people say to me, " I want to see our marriage healed. I love him (her) so much!" I'm telling you that love is not enough. It will not endure the days ahead. It will not survive betrayal and rejection. The love that Jesus has, though, endures through everything. Draw on Him today. Lose yourself in Him. Rest in Him and find peace! ~ Marilyn

"But You, O Lord, are a God of compassion and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in mercy and truth." Psalm 86:15

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Terrorism and Divorce

2009-01-28T14:30:00.021-07:00

We got an interesting email today. Some friends of ours announced they are getting a divorce. He is a pastor and the two of them taught marriage classes with our ministry for years. They are not ignorant of God's Word nor are they ignorant of the enemy's attack, but in the email they said this is "for the best."

When I receive a communication like that, I feel like screaming, "Body of Christ, wake up!!!!!" We who have the living Lord dwelling within us should be the most powerful people on the face of the earth. Yet time after time when the enemy attacks we see Christians acting like there is just nothing they can do.

I know there is personal pain involved in those types of decisions. I know that marriages don't disintegrate overnight and that the decision to end a marriage comes slowly and stealthily. And I know that it is not easy to stand against the enemy.

But, I also know that Jesus is the name above all names. He paid the price to overcome the works of enemy and He has made available to us all that heaven has to offer. I know that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty to the pulling down of strongholds through the Holy Spirit. I know that in Him we are more than conquerors!

Every time a Christian decides to divorce I believe they are making a loud and clear declaration, "Jesus didn't do enough to overcome the sin in our lives. His blood doesn't bring healing and He is not able to reconcile."

I've thought a lot about this couple today. I've thought about all the couples they taught and discipled when they worked with us. Many were young couples, just starting out in marriage. Will they now believe the lie that Jesus is not able to heal a marriage since their mentors are proclaiming it so loudly?

I thought also of the members of their church and of their families and friends. As the shepherd is struck, will the sheep scatter? How many marriages in that church will now end in divorce because their shepherd has led the way?

I thought about their children that we have watched grow up through the years. I thought about their broken hearts as mom and dad end a relationship that was supposed to bring security to their lives. I thought about their future relationships and marriages. When times get tough, will they just walk away as well because that is what they were taught?

Many times I have wondered why so many in our nation do not see the threat that is poised against us as terrorists seek to destroy us and our way of life. So many in our nation act as if the war on terror is either the figment of someone's imagination or a simple exaggeration way beyond reality.

Then I stop and think about the Church. We set the spiritual atmosphere in a nation. The life of the Church brings life to the nation. Yet in the Church so many fail to recognize the biggest terrorist of them all and how he and his minions destroy homes and families daily. Far too many ignore his terrorism or make excuses for what he has destroyed by blaming people and situations.

It is no wonder that in the natural many cannot stand strong against a physical enemy when the Church is so unable to stand strong spiritually against our spiritual enemy.

I commend you today for the decision you have made and the good fight of faith you are fighting. You have decided that no demonic force is going to determine the fate of your marriage and family. Your life is a loud declaration that when Jesus said, "It is finished," He truly had paid the full price. Some days you may wonder if it is worth it and on those days remember the eyes that are watching you. They may not understand what you are doing or they may even be trying to get you to stop, but somewhere in the depths of their heart they see God's faithfulness and power at work.

Every time someone stands and says, "No!" to the enemy's destructive plans, the Church's voice becomes a bit stronger. Every time someone lays down his/her life and allows the Lord to begin working on his/her own heart, the Church grows a bit more in power. And every time a marriage is reconciled, the Church regains a bit more of its dynamic influence in our society. I long for the day when the Church stands out in the land as a faithful covenant people who will not allow the enemy to take one more marriage or family. I long for the day when the world marvels and says, "See how they love one another!" ~ Marilyn

"Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

"If anyone says, 'I love God' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, who he has not seen." 1 John 4:20

Don't Give Up!

2009-01-16T11:45:00.002-07:00

Our youngest son has begun an incredible exercise regimen. He found that he was plateauing on his previous workouts, so he is now working on a new program that prevents plateaus. When the kit arrived, he was reading some of the material to me and one phrase really struck me. "Most people give up far too soon."

As he began the daily regimen, I realized why they had warned him up front. He works out for an hour and a half every day and the workout is brutal. Yet every time he feels he has reached the point of quiting, the video encourages him, "You can do more." He told me that he would have given up long ago if he had not been encouraged continually to keep going.

Of course my mind immediately drew the parallel to the stamina and courage it takes to stand for a marriage - and to the fact that "Most people give up far too soon." That's why it's important to have folks cheering us on and telling us frequently, "You can do more!"

I saw other parallels with the exercise program as well. Not too many people are willing to push their bodies so vigorously. Not many begin an exercise program that tough and even among those who do, many drop out when it gets too hard.

When the enemy attacks a marriage, not many people realize that the problem is the enemy and not their spouse. Not many are willing to take a stand and fight for their marriage. And of those who are, not many continue on when circumstances or people convince them they should stop. That is why we all need encouragement just like our son receives from the video he watches.

The Holy Spirit is our number one coach and encourager. When we're exhausted or discouraged, He is right there to cheer us on. When circumstances seem to overwhelm us, He reminds us that it is not by might or by power but by the Spirit that victory comes. When we are hurting, He is the great Comforter. When we need direction, He brings us divine wisdom. His is the voice we need to hear when we want to give up.

We also need the encouragement of each other. That is why we always recommend that those who are standing for their marriage become a part of a support group, such as a Covenant Keeper's meeting. It is important to encourage one another. Not only do we get blessed but we also learn to move beyond our own needs by reaching out to others.

Every January it seems that the whole world decides to get in shape. Commercials for diet programs and exercise equipment bombard the airways. People are making New Year's resolutions and determining that this year will be different. Yet by March it is amazing how many have abandoned all hope of ever getting in shape. Newly purchased exercise equipment sits gathering dust and diet programs have either been discarded or are on sale on eBay.

It takes courage and determination to follow through. The pain of staying the same must be greater than the pain of change in order to endure the effort needed to change.

It is the same with standing. First of all, we need to realize that change is possible. The Lord's desire for our marriages is not to paste us back together in the same state we were in when the trauma began. His desire is to heal each of our hearts so that we are whole and healthy in Him. He wants our marriages to be filled with unity and power. Change in our hearts and in our relationships comes through Him. Our part is staying steady and faithful while He works.

So realize that you are in this for the long haul. It is going to take time. It is going to take effort. Look for those who will encourage you and and avoid those who want to help you quit. Realize that if it were easy, everyone would do it. It is not easy, but just as with physical exercise, as you exercise your faith, you will begin to see results. Think of the Holy Spirit as your personal trainer and follow His direction. And remember, most people give up far too soon! - Marilyn

"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you." Galatians 5:7,8

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1

When It Seems the World Is Always Winning

2008-12-16T12:15:00.002-07:00

Sometimes it does seem like the world is winning, like their way is prospering. It can be frustrating to pray and believe and wait on the Lord only to see that what happens is the exact opposite of what we are seeking. And many times those around us seem to understand more what the world is doing than what we are.

When Michael told me that he was leaving me to marry my best friend, I thought that all our friends would be on my side. Both our family and her family were members of the same church. I thought our pastor would be totally against the divorce and would stand with me for healing. Actually, just the opposite happened.

Our pastor told me it was inevitable that our marriage was over and that Michael was going to remarry. He said there really was nothing I could do about it. The biggest shock for me, though, came when our friends began double dating with Michael and his new love. They were invited to dinner at the homes of mutual friends and they frequently went out with couples we had known for years. Many of them told me that I should just let Michael go and stop trying to ruin his life. In a very short amount of time I began to feel alienated in my own church. It was as if I had become the other woman.

All of those experiences were reality, but were they truth? That is what the Lord began to teach me. Truth is what God says - plain and simple. There is a reason that scripture asks, "Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?" God says one thing, the world says another. And the world works hard to reinforce what it says and believes. We are constantly surrounded by evidence that seems to prove that the world is right.

Yet God has told us something very different. Where then is the evidence of what He says? Why do we not see it readily all around us and why does it often seem like an uphill battle to experience His truths?

First of all, God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. (John 4:24) Everything that comes from God originates in the spirit realm. God speaks things before we see them in the natural. Jesus, who was the promised redemption of mankind in the Garden of Eden, came to earth in God's timing - God's Word became flesh - what God said came into the natural.

Remember Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." When we begin standing in faith we have God's word but as yet it is not seen with our natural eyes. Standing in faith means believing before we see it. "...while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

All of this sounds great in sermons, but it is a bit harder when we are walking it out. It is much easier to see earthly things, but they are temporary. What really matters and what really will stand permanently is what is not seen.

How well this was illustrated to me when I was standing. The seemingly permanent situation with my husband and his girlfriend eventually passed away and he went on to other women. While that was not very consoling to me, it did illustrate that if we focus on what our natural eyes can see, we will never have a stable place to stand permanently. What God had told me stood and eventually came to pass. What the world told me just passed away.

That is why if you are focusing on what your spouse is doing or saying or what the circumstances around you seem to be dictating, you will always be in turmoil. They are all only temporary and will change frequently. It's like building your life on sifting sand.

When you begin to focus on what God says, though, you will find greater peace and stability in your life. You may not yet see with your natural eyes what He has said, but you will know that what He says is true and you can trust Him to bring it to pass in His timing.

Remember that the twelve spies all saw the very same things. Ten believed the circumstances and two believed God. Until the day we leave this earth, we will constantly be faced with the same choice. And remember, even the two who believed God still had to obey Him and fight to take the Promised Land. Faith in God gives us the vision and the strength to overcome what we face in the natural.

Even though our pastor and all our friends treated me like the other woman, God recognized me as my husband's wife. When my husband's lover flaunted her relationship with my husband openly in our small town, God assured me that I was still the wife of his youth. The two of us were still one, no matter what others thought or said. That gave me standing to pray for my husband as no one else on earth could. So while others believed I was no longer relevant in my husband's life, I believed God who had made us one. God's eternal word stood and the world's temporary words eventually passed away.

Be encouraged today! As you stand, God is at work. His spoken word is going forth, transforming and renewing. Don't let the temporary that you can see bring fear to your heart. Stand instead firm on what you can't see. It is eternal and true. - Marilyn

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful..." Hebrews 12:28

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:3

The Road Is the Journey

2008-12-15T11:23:00.009-07:00

This morning my grandson was watching the movie Cars and Sally was explaining Route 66 to Lightening McQueen. She shared how the road used to follow the countryside, twisting and turning as it flowed along. Then the freeway was built and it cut through the land, no longer following its contours. She concluded with a statement something like this, "Instead of trying to make time on the road, people used to have a good time on the road."

That little phrase caught my attention. I thought of how many times we try to find the freeway to get to what we want from the Lord. Our goal is to make time, to cut through, to get answers as fast as we can. Yet many times the Holy Spirit wants to take us on the scenic route.

I remember traveling across country when I was a little girl. Every summer our family took a trip somewhere to experience more of our land. Back in the dark ages we didn't have air conditioning in cars so summer travel meant driving with the windows down. The hot air blew throughout the car and by the end of the day everything was covered with dust including our skin and our hair. The roar of the wind made conversation nearly impossible and we didn't have iPods or earphones or anything else for that matter that made a sound loud enough to hear over the wind. So the whole trip was spent pretty much looking out the windows and watching the countryside.

Sometimes we played games to pass the time. If we were near civilization, we'd play the Alphabet Game and see who would be the fastest to find words starting with each letter of the alphabet. Out in the country, though, games consisted of looking for certain types of vegetation or rock formations.

At some point during the day we would stop to eat, usually a lunch my mom had packed since my folks weren't big on fast food. My sister and I would run around the park where we stopped to burn up all the pent up energy we had accumulated. Sometimes we'd visit with other travelers and learn where they had been and where they were going.

Then we'd all get back in the car and continue on our journey. I didn't realize it at the time but those trips left me with a rich appreciation of our wonderful country with its variety of landscapes and climates and delightful people. The journey was so much a part of the experience that actually arriving where we were headed was almost anticlimactic.

Now I often wonder if that isn't how our Christian walk is to be. I believe sometimes the Holy Spirit loads us into a spiritual car that isn't air conditioned. It's not very comfortable and it seems the wind is always blowing. It's hard to get anyone to hear us when we try to share what is happening in our lives. Occasionally we have wonderful moments of fellowship with other travelers and then it's back on the road again.

The Holy Spirit never takes us on the freeway. His road is always winding through the twists and turns of life. Our goal is to arrive at our destination, so we want the fastest trip possible. But His goal is the journey, so He is in no hurry. I think the key is we can either complain about the trip or we can look out the window and begin to enjoy the scenery.

Are you seeking answers from the Lord and possibly feeling a little impatient that He isn't a bit faster? Are you so focused on where you want to be that you aren't enjoying where you are? Maybe when you get to where you're going you will need what you've learned along the way on the journey.

A really interesting study is see in scripture how many things happened to people when they were on a journey. Paul was converted on the road to Damascus. The servants of Cornelius were on a journey to find Peter when he had his rooftop experience to prepare him to go to the Gentiles. Journeys are very important. Maybe today is the day to refocus and begin to see what the Lord wants to show you along the journey. One thing is for sure, He knows where you are going and He knows how to get you there. The important thing is, you need to let Him do the driving. He has a wonderful trip planned. - Marilyn

"By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night." Exodus 13:21

"As [Paul] neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him." Acts 9:3

A Great Cloud of Witnesses

2008-12-06T08:28:00.009-07:00

There are many who say that the Book of Acts is still being written today. I personally believe that so is Hebrews 11.

This chapter begins with, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Then follows a lengthy list of people who stood in faith, despite incredible odds, believing what God had said. The Faith Hall of Fame begins with Abel and includes Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Moses David, and Samuel, among others. Each one is remembered for standing in faith while facing daunting circumstances. Everyone of them had to put "feet to their faith" by trusting God as they fought battles, faced torture, or just lived day to day while waiting to see the promise of God fulfilled.

Faith is always tested and perfected in the dark. It may be the dark of circumstances, or the dark of loss, or just the dark of not seeing what we want to see. I don't think faith ever comes easily.

Those who speak glibly of the ease of faith have usually not been tested in it. Sometimes they remind me of my early days as a labor and delivery nurse. I had not yet had a baby of my own and it was easy for me to refer to "discomfort" when talking with a patient about labor. When I had my first child, I discovered the depth of "discomfort" that labor brings. After that I approached labor and delivery quite differently when working with patients. Experience taught me that talk is cheap and easy if we haven't been tested in an area.

Those who walk in faith through hard times and circumstances come to know the true depth of believing God against all odds. God pours out an amazing grace on those who choose to stand in faith. His grace makes it possible to weather the circumstances and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Those who watch do not have that grace. I remember what Corrie ten Boom shared in one of her books. Her family was hiding Jews in their home and she had asked her father how they would be able to face what the Natzis would do to them if they were ever caught. Her father told her that when they rode the train, they always got their ticket just before they got on. He said that God would give them the ticket (the grace) to face it when the time came. Her testimony reflected how very powerful that grace was in the hour it was needed.

Too many people today believe that grace gives us the freedom to do what we want. They remind us that we are under grace and not the law when they choose to do something contrary to the Word of God. I believe that grace gives us the courage and ability to do what is required of us, even when it is not easy. Grace enables us to follow the Word of God and trust the Lord in the darkest of circumstances.

Those who watch you stand and believe God for the healing of your marriage do not have the grace to do what you are doing. They may tell you to forget about your spouse and just get on with your life. This counsel probably comes out of their love for you or because they feel sorry for you. They see only the painful circumstances and want to spare you the hurt.

You cannot expect them to understand what you know in your heart. Understand that they love you and just love them back. Don't be discouraged by their desire to remove you from a place of faith. Hebrews 12 begins with this amazing statement, "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses..." That cloud of witnesses is all those who have gone before us and stood in faith! All those listed in Hebrews 11 are witnesses to what you are doing in this hour. Just think of that. Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and David are watching you and cheering you on in faith!

Hebrews 12 continues, "...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Not only do you have a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on, but you have Jesus as your example. He endured the cross with all its shame and pain because of the joy that was set before Him. He now sits at the right Hand of God, encouraging you through pain and shame to see the joy that is now set before you.

There is a joy that comes from knowing what God wants to do. Remember that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. When you can see it in the spirit long before you see it in the natural, joy will follow. And God's grace will carry you through the dark times. - Marilyn

"Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. " Hebrews 12:12

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11

He Won't Let You Down

2008-12-02T19:50:00.003-07:00

Times are tough. There’s no way around it. Prices are up and even essentials are a challenge to buy. Our children are grown now and sometimes when I am in the grocery store realizing how much we spend for just two people, I wonder how people with children can even afford to feed them.

What do you do when there seems to be no provision for you or your family? How do you pray? What do you believe God to do?

One day while we were praying over some things the Lord had spoken to us in the ministry, God began to speak to us about the word provision. The prefix pro means for so provision means for the vision. The Lord began to show us that He provides specifically to fulfill the visions He gives. We began to realize that day why without a vision, the people perish. If you have no vision, you have no way of seeking provision. If you have a vision, then you pray specifically for what is needed to see it come to pass.

Do you have a vision of your future? Are you just moving from day to day or do you know what God has spoken to you about the future? When God has spoken His vision to you, the provision follows the vision.

Is your mind cluttered with fear of disaster? Do you fear what tomorrow may bring? Do you envision the very worst? Is that what you are praying for God to bless?

Or have you spent time with the Lord and know you can trust Him to care for you and your family? Do you know what He plans for you? Do you trust Jeremiah 29:11? Are you waiting for your spouse to provide for you or do you know the Lord will do it?

One day years ago I was reading Genesis 24 when Abraham sent out his servant to find a bride for his son Isaac. When the servant arrived in the city of Nahor, he prayed that the Lord would send a woman to offer him a drink and then offer to water his camels. Rebekah was the young woman who did just that. After offering water to the servant, she watered all his camels.

Now camels that have been on a long journey are very thirsty. Rebekah had a pitcher with which she filled the trough from which the camels drank. Can you imagine how many trips that took and how much water she must have poured out for those camels?

God blessed Rebekah for her efforts. The servant gave her beautiful jewelry and took her back with him to become Isaac’s wife. She became part of the lineage of Jesus. She was faithful and God gave her what she needed. What if He had blessed her back with what she gave out? Just think of all the water that would have poured into her life!

But Rebekah didn’t need water. God knew what she needed and He provided for her. Many times God asks us to pour out into the lives of others in an area where we have absolutely no need and then He pours back into our lives in the area where our need exists.

What if Rebekah had been praying for a husband and that day instead of going to the well, she had stayed home concentrating on her own need. By focusing on herself she would have missed the answer to her prayer.

God is responsible to meet your needs. He has promised He would. (Philippians 4:19) What you are responsible to do is to minister to others in His name. If you put your life on hold and focus only on what you need, you may miss the provision of the Lord.

In the early days of the ministry we were just learning to step out and obey the Lord. A woman who was standing for her marriage asked us to go to her home to pray with her. We had no money and were glad we had enough gas in our car that we didn’t have to buy any. We spent several hours with her and watched the Lord take her from the depths of despair to a place of hope and joy. She was moving to another city the next week and as we were leaving her home that day, she asked us if we could use some groceries that she couldn’t take with her. Little did she know we had nothing in our cupboards and her offer was a true miracle to us!

But the miracle really happened when she opened a door that led to a large pantry with every shelf filled with groceries. “Please take it all, if you can,” she said to us. “I can’t move any of it and I will just be throwing it out if you don’t take it."

She began to bring us grocery bags and we filled every one of them. That night as we drove home we were alternately crying and laughing and praising God the whole way. We had gone beyond ourselves to meet someone else’s needs and God had poured His provision into our lives.

I don’t know what God has planned for you or how He is going to do it in your life. I do know, though, that He can be trusted to care for you and your family. The more you can look beyond yourself and into the needs of others, the more you will see His blessing pour out into your life. The holidays are a good time to reach out to others in acts of service and love. What can you do to bless others at this time? What can you teach your children about serving others? These days may be tough, but they may also provide some of the precious lessons they will learn. - Marilyn

"I will abundantly bless her provision;I will satisfy her poor with bread. Psalm 132:15

"But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses..." 2 Corinthians 6:4

What Do You Do When You Think It's Your Fault

2008-12-02T11:43:00.015-07:00

Sometimes individuals who want to stand for their marriage wonder if they can because of something they have done. Perhaps they have committed adultery or filed for divorce or been the abuser. Maybe that was you. And now the Lord has changed your heart and your life and you want to stand in the gap for your marriage. Yet since you blame yourself, you aren't sure if you can truly stand.

If you think about it, that's kind of like shooting yourself in the foot and then wondering if you can get medical care. Wouldn't it be sad to sit home and bleed to death because you felt you weren't qualified to ask for help?

That's how we are with the Lord sometimes. We make mistakes and then convince ourselves that what we have done disqualifies us from asking God for help. In fact, those are the very times when we most need to run to Him and cry out for His grace and mercy.

That's why we need Jesus. If we could fix things ourselves or if we never made mistakes or if we always did the right thing today so that tomorrow would have no problems, we wouldn't need His redemptive love and power. As it is, though, we take a lot of wrong turns in life and far too often only hindsight is 20/20.

The criminal on the cross said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.” And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” That is God's standard. Those who seek forgiveness, are granted full pardon. There is no longer any debt due to sin.

Are there still consequences in this world? Of course there are. You may be walking through some of the consequences of past decisions and actions right now. That doesn't mean, though, that you can't make godly decisions today that God will honor.

So if you made poor choices in the past, if you said or did things that you now regret, there is one simple solution. Repent! Ask God to forgive you and then repent also to those who were affected by what you said or did.

I remember when I was standing every time I lost my temper or did anything that was contrary to the Lord's direction for me, He would remind me to repent. That meant not only asking the Lord for forgiveness, but also going to Michael and asking his forgiveness. There were many times when I struggled with that. I had a hard time asking forgiveness of someone who said he didn't love me, didn't want me around, and was in open adultery with other women. I felt like my "little" sin wasn't much by comparison.

On top of that, Michael never received my repentance with any kind of loving acceptance. He would either make fun of me or just laugh in my face. I used to wonder why on earth the Lord would have me do something that seemed so lacking in meaning to my husband.

It wasn't until years later that Michael shared with me what happened to his heart every time I repented. He said it was the one thing that would break through his hard heart and cause him to feel sorrow. Although his outward reaction was always negative, each time I asked for his forgiveness, the Lord softened his heart a bit more. One day Michael was finally able to repent and receive the forgiveness of the Lord for his own life.

So no matter what you did yesterday or even today, the important thing is that you repent and receive the forgiveness of the Lord. He will then direct you as to what you need to do regarding others. Repentance keeps your heart soft and malleable on the potter's wheel. It also demonstrates the love and kindness of God to others. And it takes away the condemnation the enemy tries to bring when you stand strong in faith.

The next time the enemy reminds you of what you have done, just remind him of what Jesus has done. Then stand firm on the Word of God and believe He will do what He has promised! - Marilyn

"But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matthew 9:13

"I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." Luke 15:7

Our Hearts Deceive Us

2008-11-30T08:54:00.001-07:00

Last night I had a really tough discussion with our youngest son. He challenged me regarding my attitude toward a member of our family who has hurt me a lot in the past. I thought I had dealt with my issues and so I was a bit defensive (actually more than a bit) when he confronted me. He asked me if I thought that was the way Jesus would handle the situation. That only turned up the heart of my reaction.

At first I responded, "Well, who are you to talk. Here's what you have done with this person in the past. Your reaction was even worse than mine." He readily admitted it had been but then went on to share how Jesus had dealt with his heart and he had repented. His answer was, "Neither one of us was responding correctly, Mom."

When our hearts have been hurt, we can justify all kinds of words and reactions. I learned that long ago when I was standing, but that doesn't mean that I always recognize when I'm slipping back into that pattern. Sometimes it takes someone who really loves us to confront ungodly behavior in our lives. It was a hard conversation, but it was an honest one filled with love. In the end I knew he was right. I had given lip service to forgiveness, but I had hardened my heart against that person to protect myself from further hurt.

Jesus is the only one who can protect our hearts and keep them healthy at the same time. When we choose to protect ourselves, we can only do that by walling ourselves off from others.

I remember years ago during a counseling session the Lord showed me a line of weak little men dressed in underwear. Each one had a pie plate on his head for a helmet and carried a stick in one hand and a garbage can lid in the other. They were running frantically to and fro in a state of panic. I had to laugh at how inept they seemed.

I asked the Lord what on earth they were and I will always remember His reply. "They are the army you have established for your own to protection." That day I realize that compared to what Jesus had to offer, my own resources were pretty pathetic. And yet here I am today discovering that I was amassing that same debilitated group to once again protect my heart.

Hurts never stop in this life and the lessons we learn as we stand for our marriage can serve us again and again if we let them. As we talked last night, the pain of all that has happened with this person came flooding back to me. I realized that I had not taken it to Jesus, but had stored it away in my heart thinking there was nothing I could do to change things. And, in reality, there probably is nothing I can do to change things, but then why do I need to when Jesus is the one who does that best?

No other human being can ever truly understand the pain we each suffer. Others may have had similar experiences, but there really is no way to convey what we each uniquely feel as we experience trauma. In the end, though, it doesn't really matter because Jesus understands completely what we have experienced. Scripture tells, "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Often we think of being tempted to sin in association with lying or stealing or committing adultery, but is not the desire to strike back against those who have wounded us also a temptation? Isn't speaking evil of someone who has treated us poorly also sin? Isn't harboring unforgiveness and a desire for retaliation also sin?

Last night after my son and I finished talking, I talked with the Lord for a good while. He always tells us the truth when we are willing to listen. He showed me my heart and I realized that what my son had seen on the outside was only a symptom of what I was harboring on the inside. Out of the abundance of our heart our mouth speaks.

The holidays are an especially difficult time when we are standing. I pray today that you can take your hurt to Jesus. He knows what has happened and He knows what you have experienced. The condition of your heart can make or break this time, first for you and then for those around you. With Jesus there can truly be joy in the midst of pain, there can be healing in the midst of hurt. And I also pray that you have someone in your life who loves you enough to confront you when your reactions are not godly. It hurts to hear the truth sometimes, but if we are honest with ourselves and with the Lord, it can bring great healing. - Marilyn

"For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted." Hebrews 2:18

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the LORD weighs the hearts." Proverbs 21:2

A Powerful Movie

2008-11-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Recently we went to see the movie Fireproof. I knew it was a movie about faithfulness in marriage, but I had no idea how anointed it would be. I don’t want to reveal all the details in case you haven’t seen it yet, but I would like to focus on a few powerful principles.

Because it is a movie, changes that may normally take a good deal longer are accomplished in a little over 40 days. So it is important to focus on the principles, not the time frame. God’s principles never change and we need to give Him the time it takes to work those principles in our own life and the life of our spouse.

Knowing the movie was about marriage, I had expected to see some depiction of marital fidelity, but I was truly surprised by the layers of truth sandwiched throughout the movie. One of those surprises was the generational fruit of faithfulness. Each of the parents of the central characters had challenges in their own marriages. One dealt with physical incapacity and the other with enemy attack against their unity. Both sets of parents demonstrated covenant fidelity and, in a very powerful way, their faithfulness overflowed into the next generation.

Another interesting facet was the influence of friends in the lives of the husband and wife whose marriage was disintegrating. One had a strong friend who spoke life and encouragement, the other had friends who gossiped and spoke death. It was quite revealing to see how each spouse was influenced by those they chose as friends.

Perhaps, though, the most powerful principles of marriage healing (and strengthening) were seen in the actions undertaken by the spouse who chose to stand for his marriage. He began where most of us begin, being willing to change and do things differently in order to receive the reaction he wanted from his wife. When that reaction did not come, the true challenge of unconditional love began.

There are many other facets of the movie that bring forth scriptural truths, but I would like to focus at this time on unconditional love. Many of you have written and asked what exactly unconditional love is and how it is manifested. Some believe it is letting their spouse do whatever he or she wishes and not objecting. Others believe it is forgiving and going on as if nothing has happened. Others are completely confused somewhere between unconditional love and tough love.

Standing for our marriage certainly made me no expert on unconditional love. I made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of things wrong. I could so relate to the garbage can and baseball bat scene in the movie. Mine was glasses and a garage door. Anyway, back to the topic…

Jesus is our example of complete unconditional love. He gave His life for us, both in how He lived it and how He died. He stands with open arms ready to welcome the sinner. He remains faithful even when we are not. He forgives and restores. He has His priorities straight. He sees the beginning from the end and walks in faith regardless of circumtances.

Equally important, though, is what He is not and does not do. He does not compromise with sin. He does not play games or attempt to manipulate us. He gives us free choice and does not try to force His will upon us. Even when we choose poorly, He does not tell others what we have done. Instead He intercedes for us and does not give up on us.

So what does that mean when you are walking out unconditional love with your spouse? I remember years ago when I was studying to become a nurse. As we approached graduation many of us were concerned we had not done enough procedures. I remember our instructors telling us, “Learn the principle behind the action. If you know the principle, you can even invent a new procedure.”

It was little comfort at the time but when I went to work after graduation I began to see what they were telling us. You can either be event based or principle based. If you are event based, you must learn what to do in each new event. That can cause great anxiety if you don’t know what the next event will be. It is hard to always be prepared. If you are principle based, though, you can rely on the principle to carry you through any event. So, learn the principles of God’s word and you will know what to do when a new event comes your way.

1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to begin learning the principles of unconditional love. I believe those verses can be summed up like this: I don’t care how holy or righteous you think you are, if you aren’t walking in love, your message stinks.

There was a season when I thought I was my husband’s Holy Spirit and I let him know what God liked and didn’t like about his actions. I felt justified because I was the Christian and I knew what God’s word said. Then one day the Lord began to break my heart for my husband. Instead of seeing him from my point of view, I began to see him from God’s. That day unconditional love began to grow in my heart.

I cannot tell you what to do in each situation you face with your spouse. All I can do is encourage you to know the principles of God’s word. Giving your spouse everything he or she wants is not unconditional love. If your spouse is being led around by the enemy, what he or she wants is probably going to be perverted by that influence. Don’t let the devil lead the parade. That is not unconditional love.

At the same time, don’t stand in haughty self-righteousness and look down upon your spouse. Be led of the Holy Spirit. Spend time in prayer and in the Word and learn God’s heart regarding the issues of life. Ask Him for help when you don’t know what to do. Do as Jesus did and only do what the Father is doing. Each time you are faced with a decision regarding your spouse, go to the Lord and ask Him what to do. Don't react to pressure from your spouse or anyone else. Don't give in just to appease your spouse or anyone else. Walking in unconditional love means letting the One who is love rule and reign in your life.

No one on earth knows you as Jesus does. No one on earth knows your spouse as Jesus does. The Lord will direct your steps, He will give you the words you need, and He will help you cut through the myriad of circumstances to see things clearly from His point of view. He is the only one who can lead you consistently in unconditional love.

And if you haven't seen Fireproof yet, you really should. - Marilyn

But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. 1 john 2:5

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8

How to Forgive

2008-11-16T10:20:00.000-07:00

When the one you love most on the face of the earth, the one who has promised to live with you in the good and the bad times, the one for whom you have forsaken all others hurts you so deeply that you wonder if you can ever breathe again, how do you forgive?

Well, you can paste on your Christian smile and say, “I forgive” without ever dealing with the pain. Or you can wait until you feel like forgiving (once the pain is gone). Or you can ask God to miraculously change your heart and make you want to forgive. Or you can pray that your spouse will repent and ask you for forgiveness. Or you can simply be so immobilized by the pain that you can’t do anything.

Or…

Once again it’s time for honesty first. Sometimes Christians are afraid to admit negative feelings, especially anger. I’ve talked with people who have said that they didn’t have any problem and were able to forgive their spouse right away. It sounds so good and I sure wish I could have done that, but forgiveness did not come easy for me.

At first I was devastated and so filled with pain I could hardly think. Then as the pain subsided, anger took its place. I was furious when I realized how I had been lied to and betrayed. I was angry that I was so helpless. I felt victimized and there was nothing I could do about it. And my husband was doing all kinds of things to get rid of me and all those things just made me angrier.

On top of all that, I felt like a terrible Christian because I was so angry. Instead of running to the Lord, I found myself avoiding Him because my heart was so filled with yuck. How silly we are sometimes. He knows me better than I know myself. I don’t know what I thought I was keeping from Him.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I just got honest with Jesus. I poured out my pain and my anger. I argued scripture and heart motives and asked Him a thousand questions. Somewhere in all of that I began to learn to rest in Him. It wasn’t quick and it wasn’t easy, but when it finally began, I felt a huge burden lift from my shoulders.

I realized that Jesus was not judging me and I was not disappointing Him. He knew my heart and every rotten little thought I ever had, and He loved me anyway. Jesus has a wonderful way of accepting us just where we are and yet encouraging us to move on. Never condemning, just always encouraging on to higher ground.

Somewhere along the way He began to encourage me to forgive. It wasn’t a demand; it was more of an opportunity. When we’re honest with Him, He can be honest with us. The more I walked with Him, the more I wanted to be like Him. I knew that He had been tempted in every way as we are and He had chosen to love and to forgive. I knew that because He lived within me, it was possible for me to do the same. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to. It was so much easier to pull out the list of wrongs and make demands about them.

You know Romans 2:4 says, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?” It is the love and compassion of God that brings us close to Him. Jesus had compassion on Jerusalem and wept. God’s compassion is overwhelming and when we are willing to let Him touch us with that compassion, we not only realize we must forgive, but we begin to learn how to do it.

God touched me with compassion for my husband. My eyes saw his sin and my ears heard his hateful words, but God’s compassion showed me his heart. God’s compassion overwhelmed my heart and I stopped weeping for myself and I wept for my husband. No matter what I was facing, I had life in Jesus. Nothing could separate me from the love of Christ (Romans 8:39). But my husband was walking in darkness. He had chosen to follow the enemy and was trapped in the enemy’s snare. No one else on earth could pray for him like I could because God had made us one. I could either choose to recount what had happened to me or I could choose to become Michael’s chief intercessor. When God’s love and compassion overwhelm your heart, the choice is obvious.

I know that as the Lord began to lead me and guide me in the days that followed, the enemy must have regretted that he ever messed with us. I know I might never have prayed for my husband with the heart-felt compassion I did unless the enemy had taken him captive. I know my own heart might never have sought the depth of transformation I hungered for if I had not been faced with the crisis of our marriage.

Embrace the Lord today! He has so much for you and for your spouse. Don’t let the enemy convince you that he is greater than the One within you. I made a decision one day that no demon was going to come into my home and dictate to me what was going to happen to our marriage and family. They are a defeated foe and they don’t have the right to decide what happens to us. You are bought with a price and the One to whom you belong has greater plans for you than you can imagine. – Marilyn

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. 1 Corinthians 8:1

Is It Possible to Forgive?

2008-11-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Preaching on forgiveness creates memorable sermons. Living out forgiveness creates heart-changing character development.

Sometimes in scripture I love to see how the Holy Sprit has arranged the Word. In Matthew 18 Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” And Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” He then went on to share the parable of the servant who owed a huge debt to the king. When he couldn’t pay it, the king decided to sell him and his family to clear the debt. The servant begged the king to forgive him and the king did. He released him from all responsibility for the debt.

Then that same servant went out and demanded payment from someone who owed him money. When the man couldn’t pay, the wicked servant had him thrown into jail until the debt was paid. When the king heard of this, he was angry with the servant and turned him over to the torturers until he could pay his debt.

We all know the point of this story, God has forgiveness us everything and cleansed us with the blood of Jesus. Who are we then to hold the sin of another against that person? The point that really struck me, though, was that the next chapter, Matthew 19, begins with the Pharisees asking Jesus a question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” You think maybe there was a reason the Holy Spirit put that question right after a discussion on forgiving 70 X 7?

Marriage consistently affords us the opportunity to forgive. God designed marriage as a covenant relationship until death. That type of relationship is intended to afford covenant covering and safety so that we can grow together as one, honoring each other and forgiving each other when we fall short. Even the best of marriages is filled with both large and small moments of forgiveness potential. Forgiving and growing together go hand in hand.

The devil hates the unity that God gives us because he knows the power that God designed for the covenant of marriage. Our enemy realizes that couples who know who they are in Christ and who are united as one are unstoppable. So his one plan for marriage is to divide and conquer.

You have experienced his attack. His has brought division into your marriage. His plan is to have one spouse so wound the other that forgiveness seems impossible. If one spouse already has been convinced that healing is impossible, all the enemy can hope for is to convince the other spouse of the same thing. Unfortunately the Church supports this plan many times. The three major A’s – adultery, abuse, and abandonment – are often accepted as reasons for divorce. All of these situations carry with them many consequences that I am not belittling, but I firmly believe that Jesus died to overcome them all. I also believe that the foundation to healing is forgiveness. If you try to build a house without a strong foundation, it will not stand.

I remember once at a meeting a woman came up for prayer afterward. She said she had been standing for 13 years. I asked her what had happened and she said, “Oh, that jerk never changed. I just gave up.” She left pretty upset with me after I told her that she had probably wasted a lot of time. If her heart was still that angry and cold toward her husband, she never understood true forgiveness. There is no place for judgment in our hearts when we are standing.

I don’t know what you have suffered. There are as many stories as there are marriages. I can only guess at the pain you have experienced. But really, it doesn’t matter if I can understand it or not. What matters is Jesus knows and He is the only one who can bring you healing. He knows betrayal in the name of love.

The night He was taken in the Garden, He was betrayed with a kiss. Judas made a public show of affection that was really betrayal of intimacy and was intended to destroy relationship. At a time when Jesus was crying out to the Father for strength, the enemy came in through one He loved. Yet, even knowing that Judas was going to betray Him, just hours earlier Jesus had honored him and blessed him as they ate together.

If you have received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He lives in you and that same love is within you today. Draw on it in this hour. Our own hearts can justify a lot of things when we have been hurt. Only Jesus can bring His perspective and soften our hearts with His love. Talk to Him now, not with a laundry list of what has happened. He already knows it all. Just get close to Him and let Him love you. Let Him melt your heart with His compassion and tenderness. Forget what you should or shouldn’t do or not do right now. Just receive that wonderful, life-changing love! – Marilyn

“Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little” Luke 7:47

"Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” Luke 23:34

Precious Moments When Standing

2008-11-01T11:26:00.001-06:00

I remember the hard times, the loneliness, and the fear of standing for my marriage. There were no books then, no conventions, and no support groups. I didn’t know a single person who ever stood for their marriage, much less anyone whose marriage had been healed. All those around me thought I had gone off the deep end. My family was supportive but neutral. It was very hard for them not to take sides but they worked hard not to.

I had one friend who believed in the power of the Word of God and had great faith. She would always caution me, though, not to get my hopes up. There were so many factors she would tell me and there was no guarantee that Michael would ever change his mind. One thing she did for me, though, was to always point me to the Word of God. She didn’t have any answers for me, but she sure knew Who did!

There were some very precious times during those days as well. The tender, sweet miracles of God that we only see in times of desperation were frequent in those days. After my heart was healed, I wept more in joy than I did in sorrow. I watched God perform so many wondrous things on my behalf.

I remember one day when Michael had been to our home and had said some really hard things to me. He was trying to get me to divorce him because his lawyer had told him it would be better if I initiated the divorce. In his efforts to drive me away, he had decided to cut off all financial support for me and our children. After he made the announcement and left, I sat down in my favorite kitchen chair and began talking to the Lord. I was terrified. I didn’t know how I would feed and clothe our children. I didn’t know how I would pay the bills. I cried out to Lord to help my faith because I was filled with doubt and unbelief that even He could overcome such a challenge to our family.

As I sat praying, suddenly a bird flew into the kitchen window and fell on our deck. I went out to see what shape it was in and I realized it was dead. I had never seen a bird like that before. We lived in the mountains and there were many birds in our area, but this one was new to me. Later in the day our neighbor identified the bird as a quail. I didn’t even know we had quail in Colorado.

That afternoon as I was talking with the Lord, He reminded me of the bird. “Don’t you think I can feed you and your children?” He asked me. I realized that day that He would indeed care for us even if it meant sending food flying into our window. He proved Himself faithful during the years that followed. We never lacked for food or clothing or other needs. He even worked on Michael’s heart and caused him to once again begin giving us money. That lesson still stands firm in my heart today. I know that no matter what tomorrow holds, God will be with us and will care for us. He will never leave us or forsake us.

Another wonderful miracle from that season in our life happened one spring. Our daughter needed a new pair of dress shoes. She loved black paten leather but because she had such a narrow foot, we had to buy specialty shoes that cost over $30. I had $5.00 and a coupon for $2.00 off as we headed to the shoe store. I explained to her that this time we had to buy a different type of shoe because we could not afford the shoes she loved. By then my children were learning to stand in faith as well and she said to me, “No, Mommy, I asked Jesus for my shinny black shoes and He said I can have them.” I didn’t want to crush her faith, but I doubted we would ever find those shoes at a cheaper price. They were never on sale.

When we got to the store, she headed straight for the paten leather shoes and, as usual, her size was over $30. Then we headed to the sale rack to see what we could afford. On the lower rack was a pair of black paten leather shoes. I figured they weren’t narrow enough since they were on sale. Also, they were two sizes too small for her. As I looked for other shoes, she picked up the paten leathers and said, “Mommy, these are my shoes.” I tried to explain to her that they weren’t the right size, but she kept insisting they were hers. After I had showed her several other pairs that I could afford, she burst into tears. “Mommy, why won’t you let me try these on? They are mine!”

Finally, I gave in. I thought once she realized they were no where near her size, she would give up and let me find another pair. As I slipped them on her feet, I realized they fit her perfectly. They were her size and they were narrow. “I told you Jesus said He would have shoes for me,” she said, smiling through her tears. By then I was crying too. The price tag was $5.00 and with my coupon, they were $3.00. When we left the store, Cristine was carrying her prized shoes and I still had money in my pocket.

God truly loves us and has promised He will meet our needs! As you walk with Him and experience His tender care, rejoice in those sweet moments that only He can give you. Keep your eyes on Him, the Author and Finisher of your faith! - Marilyn

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" Philippians 4:12

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work" 2 Corinthians 9:8

Making A Choice

2008-10-22T11:20:00.000-06:00

When my husband told me that he was divorcing me to marry my best friend, the bottom dropped out of my world. His words tore my heart out and left me feeling worthless and insignificant. I never imagined that the person I love most on the face of this earth would reject me so violently and speak so many words of shame and anger toward me.

I just knew there had to be an answer somewhere, but our pastor reasoned with me that if Michael didn't want the marriage, there was nothing I could do. The counselors I sought out confirmed his declaration and added that I must have pretty low self esteem to want a man who so obviously didn't want me.

We had two children and a third on the way. I didn't know what to do. I tried to pray, but words failed me. I had walked in relationship with Jesus for a little less than two years at that time and had never really faced a major crisis. I hurt too much to think beyond the moment and I wasn't even sure what I should ask God to do. Finally I accepted the inevitable and began to prepare for divorce.

With a focus at last in mind, I asked the Lord what my next step should be. He led me to a scripture, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" 1 Corinthians 7:10,11.

That scripture astounded me. My pastor and the counselors had all given me many scriptures that assured me divorce was God's plan for us. They had even told me God had a better husband waiting. Now the Lord was telling me to reconcile or remain single. How could He possibly say that knowing my circumstances? My husband was in adultery. That gave me scriptural grounds for divorce and freedom to remarry. I argued all these points in my heart as I sought to understand the scripture the Lord had showed me.

Again and again the Lord patiently led me back to 1 Corinthians 7:10 and 11. He made it clear to me that was His standard. He also made it clear to me that day that either one of those choices would bring me joy. If I chose to remain single, He would be my husband and father to my children. I knew He would care for me better than any earthly man ever could.

He also made it clear that if I chose to reconcile, He would be the one who would accomplish it. It was not up to me or my "perfection" to see it done. That was a relief to me since I already knew how futile my own efforts had been.

I didn't really know which choice was better. I had been hurt so much by my husband's actions and words and I didn't know if reconciling with him was such a good idea. I also didn't know if remaining single was really the desire of my heart. For a long time I just sat in the presence of the Lord, feeling His love and unconditional acceptance of me. I alternated between crying out from the depth of my pain and just breathing in His healing life.

Finally I asked Him, "Lord, if I choose to reconcile, how will that happen? My husband seems to hate me and wants nothing to do with me. How could our marriage ever be whole again?"

Have you ever felt the overwhelming power of God in your life? I felt it that day. At that moment I knew that God could do anything. I said, "Okay, Lord. I want to reconcile. Teach me what to do."

How simple that prayer was and how vast was the answer that came over the next several years. I often think in steps (step 1, step 2, etc.) I was waiting for God to give me His three-step plan to reconciliation. I was sure that much of it had to do with fixing up Michael and I was eager to get started. The sooner he was in shape, the better. How little did I realize that day of what God had in mind. - Marilyn

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live" Deuteronomy 30:19

What Should I Do?

2008-10-12T15:00:00.000-06:00

If there is one question that I am asked most often, it is "What should I do?" In a variety of situations and circumstances, those who are standing for their marriage want to do the correct thing in light of what they are facing. The only problem with the question is that it puts the cart before the horse.

Knowing what to do comes from hearing the voice of the Lord. Doing what is right is simply obeying what He tells you to do. So, the first step must be developing a strong relationship with Jesus. The pain, the shame, the anger, the despair--the myriad of emotions that flood your life when your spouse makes it clear that he or she no longer wants the marriage can send you into an emotional tailspin that makes clear decision making almost impossible.

Some people react by wanting to do anything to make the marriage work. Others are in such pain that they can hardly function. Others react in anger and retaliation. Others begin to put impossible demands on themselves, placing the total responsibility for the healing of their marriage on their own actions and words.

In the early days of my stand for our marriage, one of my favorite scriptures was a prophecy that was spoken about Jesus in Isaiah and then repeated in Matthew, "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory." That scripture spoke to me of the gentleness of Jesus when it comes to the broken heart. He knew my heart and He loved me and wanted the best for me. Initially I went to Him and just cried out my pain. He was there and He was loving and accepting.

The wonderful thing about Jesus is that He can make it clear He understands our pain completely and yet He still makes it clear that He loves the one who hurt us as well. That balance helped me get past the early days of pain. Jesus wasn't taking sides. His love for me was strong and steady but His love for my husband was equally strong. He bound up my wounds and began healing my heart. It was a slow process, not because of Jesus but because I fell back so easily into pain and sorrow. It took a long time for me to reach the point where I was able to move forward with the Lord. He was patient and He never crushed the bruised reed. His Word brought healing to my heart and mind.

As I began to heal, the Lord began to speak to me through His Word regarding what to do next. His Word needs to be a lamp to your feet and a light to your path (Psalm 119:105). A lamp shines brightly in a small area. God's Word will show you where to place your feet, where to go and what to do. His Word will give you clarity for the next steps to take. And His Word is a light to your path. That light shines farther and clarifies the long-term direction you need to take. Developing a close relationship with the Lord and spending time with Him in the Word will be key to your healing and the steps you need to take next.

Without that close relationship with Jesus, your decisions will be based on emotions and circumstances. You will feel pressured by time and will be tempted to set deadlines and give ultimatums. Your number one goal at this time must be to develop that relationship. Be honest with Him. Don't go all holy and pretend that you are doing fine. Pour out your hurt, your anger, and your pain to Him. He's not afraid of your emotions and being honest with Him will not "ruin" your chances for marriage healing. There were days when I would tell Him, "Lord, I really hate my husband right now but I know You love him with an everlasting love. Please love Him through me today because I have nothing to give." He was faithful and He met me where I was.

These steps are critical. If you don't get honest with the Lord, you won't be honest with yourself. You won't be open to the Lord speaking to those areas of your own heart where you need to change. If you don't allow Him to heal the very depths of your heart, you will continue to react out of emotion and fear

Standing for your marriage is not walking in perfection. It is not doing and saying all the right things. It is clearly hearing the voice of the Lord and being obedient to do what He speaks to you. Take this time to fall so deeply in love with Him that nothing else matters. Develop such a strong relationship with Him that He fills every area of your life. Don't put your life on hold. Begin serving the Lord powerfully and minister into the lives of others with all that He pours into your life. - Marilyn

"But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him" 1 John 2:5

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-8

What Is Standing?

2008-10-08T11:01:00.000-06:00

What does it mean to stand for your marriage? Some say it is a tremendous act of faith. Others say it is foolishness. Still others say it is witchcraft. I say it is one of the most significant things a person can do in a lifetime.

When God began to lead me in the stand for our marriage, I thought I was all about my husband getting out of sin and returning home. I figured whatever it took to make that happen was worth it. I had no idea what God had in mind.

First of all, standing for your marriage has to come out of obedience to the Lord. It can't be based on how much you love your spouse. Love can turn to hate very quickly. Feelings are very fickle. It can't be based on loneliness or need. Only the Lord can fulfill us and meet all our needs. No human being should be expected to do that for us. It can't be based on guilt or sorrow either. Regretting what has happened in the past is no foundation for the future. If any of these things are motivating you, release them all to the Lord right now.

When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water, he wanted to join Him. Jesus gave him a word, "Come," and Peter walked on the strength of that word. You are probably in a very grave storm right now and your marriage is in peril. There are many more storms to come and if you are going to walk on the water, if you are going to stand for your marriage, you must have a word from the Lord upon which to walk.

Someone else's faith can't do it for you. Someone else's testimony can't carry you through. Emotions and resolve won't hold you up as the wind rises and the waves crash. You must know what the Lord has spoken to you and that is the word that will carry you. God has promised that His word will not return to Him void, without accomplishing that for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). You need the strength of His word to carry you.

When David returned to Ziklag and discovered that his family had been taken from him (1 Samuel 30), he asked the Lord, "Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” One might ask why David would ask God such a question when the answer seems pretty obvious. David asked God because he wanted the word of the Lord to go before him as he fought for his family. He wanted to know in the heat of battle that God had sent him in pursuit. God told him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”

Another reason you need to hear what God says is that many other voices around you will be saying many things. Many will tell you what you are doing is foolish. Many will tell you that it will do no good. Many will ask you, as they did me, if you are really that desperate. They will tell you to get on with your life. If you don't know what God has said, then all voices will carry the same weight. To obey the Lord, you must know what He has told you. Then other voices will not be as strong.

So, where are you today? Maybe you are just beginning to face a marital crisis or maybe you have stood for some time now. Either way, do you know what God has said to you. Have you taken time to seek Him and ask Him for His word? Has God answered your question? Has He given you specific directions? Do you have His word upon which to walk? If not, you need to begin there today. Learning to hear His voice is the key to a strong stand. Learning to hear His voice is also so life-changing that you will never be the same again.

To this day I walk in a sweet relationship with the Lord that developed during the time of my stand. No one can shake that from my life. I hear His voice clearly and I easily sense His presence. Walking with Him is sweet. You can either look upon this time of your life as the biggest tragedy you have ever experienced or you can embrace this time as the sweetest school of the Spirit you will ever attend. The choice is yours and it begins with asking Him and then waiting for His answer to you. - Marilyn

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand" Psalm 95:6,7.

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me" John 10:27.

There Is Hope

2008-10-02T14:00:00.000-06:00

Almost daily we receive contacts from around the world from those whose marriage is under attack. They are looking for answers, looking for someone to say there is hope.

Too many voices today proclaim the inevitability of the destruction of the family and home. Too many voices that should be proclaiming the power of God are giving far greater credit to the enemy. Too many hearts have grown sick as their hope has been deferred by those who believe there is nothing that can be done when the enemy attacks a marriage and home.

Almost thirty years ago the enemy attacked our marriage and family. He declared that our relationship was irrevocably broken and that there was nothing that could be done about it. Our pastor and several counselors agreed with him. We were counseled to get a quick divorce so that my husband could marry his new love. Of course, he would have to wait for her divorce to also be final for that to happen.

I couldn't find anyone who believed God could heal our marriage. There were no books to read or meetings to attend. All around me the voices seemed to shout defeat and loss, but within me One Voice spoke very clearly. Jesus assured me that it was not His desire for our marriage and family to be broken. His Word assured me that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. He reminded me that He had come to destroy the works of the enemy. Why then should I believe the voice of the enemy? He is a defeated foe.

I then began a long journey with the Lord, one at first filled with much pain and sorrow but one that eventually brought me to a place of victory and joy.

I learned to enjoy His presence no matter what the circumstances. I learned to walk in the peace that passes all understanding. I learned that He is my provider and there is nothing that can separate me from His love.

If your marriage is under attack today, it is time to look to Him also. The world has no answers and can offer no permanent hope. Those who have seen you hurt will probably want to help save you from such a painful relationship. Many may think that someone else who will treat you better is the perfect answer to your current dilemma.

But if you are willing to be totally honest with yourself and with the Lord, this can be your greatest hour. It can be a season in which you learn to walk with your Lord in such a powerful way. It can be a season of healing and strengthening and victory.

Today I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much God loves me and how strong He is within me. I learned those lessons in the lonely, desperate hours of pain brought about by the enemy's attack on our marriage. I am sure for all eternity the enemy is going to wish he had left us alone. Instead of destroying our marriage and family, we learned how to fight him and how to walk in victory. Then we learned how to take that same victory to others.

So this is your blog. This is where I pray you find some answers to the questions that haunt you in this hour. This is where I pray you find courage and hope. Don't give up! God has a plan and the enemy is not stronger than it is. - Marilyn

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Galatians 6:9